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narrowords's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 04/29/2011 at 2:29am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was out shopping. It was fine until my dental crossbow broke as I was laughing. The springs locked, and I couldn't close my mouth. The orthodontist couldn't see me for two hours, leaving me to walk around town with my mouth hanging open like a psychopath. FML
by rockyrocket / 04/26/2011 at 3:19pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Health
by parentof5 / 04/23/2011 at 11:20am / United States / Kids
Today, I picked up on a telemarketer and started speaking in Portuguese. It turns out that this particular telemarketer spoke it as well. Every time I hung up, he called back. Telemarketers get really excited when they find out someone else speaks their language. FML
by Anonymous / 04/19/2011 at 11:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by BerkeleyBiker / 04/19/2011 at 4:23am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Wendie / 04/18/2011 at 12:10pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I walked into a room, where a guy was violently picking his nose. He kept picking. A very pretty girl walked in after me, and he immediately stopped and sat up straight. Apparently, I'm too ugly to motivate strangers to stop excavating their nasal cavities. FML
by uggo / 03/29/2011 at 1:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. 5 minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog shit in the exact same spot apparently to make me look stupid. FML
by Username / 02/12/2011 at 9:17pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
by maddie! / 02/09/2011 at 12:48pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, whilst on hold to an important client, I said to my co-workers "F*cking hell, this woman sounds high as a kite". I heard a cough on the other end of the phone. All calls are recorded. FML
by GHTD / 01/27/2011 at 6:20am / United Kingdom (Solihull) / Work
by Anonymous / 01/26/2011 at 9:53pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love
Today, I was driving to a blind date my friend set me up on. Feeling pretty excited, I started singing to Katy Perry. I look over to see a man laughing at me, I flipped him the bird and drove off. Little did I know, he was my date. FML
by unknown / 01/24/2011 at 3:08am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my boyfriend tickled me. In between laughs, I warned him that I was going to pee myself. He didn't believe me. After I actually did, he suggested we use a "safety word" from now on so that he will know when I'm being serious. FML
by embarrassed2 / 01/23/2011 at 9:47pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML
by fianceeless / 01/20/2011 at 8:15pm / United States (California) / Love
- 1Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…
- Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly… Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father… Today, it was my boyfriend and my six-month anniversary. I've really fallen in love with him, and I…