About narkill : I'm here to party hard. Watsup.
People need to learn to sit back, relax and look at the world around them as it really is. Everything is not always how it seems, fortunately enough.
About narkill : I'm here to party hard. Watsup.
narkill's FML badges
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
narkill's favorite FMLs
Today, whilst getting out of the shower, I tripped on the lip of the siding, bruising my middle toe. I fell, and in doing so, squished my cat. She won't even make eye contact and keeps wheezing. I have a feeling she is plotting my death. FML
by Ashlynnlove / 02/10/2014 at 9:12am / United States / Animals
Today, my boyfriend gave me a teddy bear. I thought it was a sweet thing to do, until I saw him open a slit in its back while visiting later in the day and removing a bag of weed. He gave me a teddy bear just so he could smuggle drugs past my parents. FML
by Anonymous / 02/03/2014 at 4:29pm / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Love
Today, on my first day at my new job delivering mail, I was yelled at by a guy, who threatened to shoot me if I "trespassed" on his property. He made me toss his mail toward his porch from the street, before telling me to get lost. FML
by fuckfuck / 01/31/2014 at 1:46pm / United States (Arkansas) / Work
by knobbed / 01/27/2014 at 6:09pm / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Health
Today, I was walking home from work, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. I clambered back to my feet, made it three feet, then slipped and fell again. A guy who'd witnessed the whole thing stuck his head out of his car window and yelled "Dumbasssssss!" FML
by SqueakingRetard / 01/17/2014 at 6:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML
by Anonymous / 01/13/2014 at 2:34am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
Today, I used the restroom at a mall. I thought I was alone, so I started singing. When I got out of the stall, there were men staring at me. Not only did I embarrass myself with my own singing, I'd accidentally used the men's restroom too. FML
by Anonymous / 01/11/2014 at 7:26pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML
by rollergirl13 / 01/11/2014 at 12:55am / United States (Alaska) / Love
by CatLady / 01/06/2014 at 2:20pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML
by Jizzyface / 12/29/2013 at 7:36am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy
by thanks_world / 12/26/2013 at 1:48am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML
by why god / 11/25/2013 at 1:16am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML
by LadyLola / 11/25/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I had the pleasure of driving in central London for the first time, to recover my drunk husband from his own brilliance, puking on the feet of Winston Churchill's statue in Parliament Square. At 4 am. FML
by I am not amused! / 11/03/2013 at 5:53pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Love
Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my boyfriend asked me if I had any kinks, so I told him all about them. He was actually mad… Today, my boyfriend complimented me on how he liked my freckles down below. I didn't have the heart… Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent…