About n3rdzgotskillz : I'm Olivia, I'm doing an MA in Creative Writing and my favourite emoji is that little face that has its mouth hanging open in horror. I love it. I'm big on feminism, cider, politics and the Simpsons. I'm super fun at parties. No, I've not met the Queen; no, I don't eat scones every day (sadly) and no, I don't want to see your penis.
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I never take things to heart
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n3rdzgotskillz's favorite FMLs
by harambae / 09/11/2016 at 1:10pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I've tried literally every possible brand of antiperspirant deodorant available to me in my area. I went to the bathroom to discover I'd pitted out my favorite shirt. It's mild weather, I have done nothing active, and I'm not stressed. My body just loves to make me sweat. FML
by FastTurtle9 / 05/24/2016 at 4:10pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, according to daycare, my son is behind in his potty training curriculum because we are not "celebrating his natural bodily functions" enough. He turned 2 a week ago, and he peed on our bed last night because we're trying to meet this demand. FML
by NotThePotty / 10/19/2015 at 6:15am / United States (California) / Kids
by ColdStones / 10/20/2014 at 4:50am / Norway (Hordaland) / Miscellaneous
Today, a nearby volcano erupted for the second time. We were all urged to keep our windows and doors closed in case of ash clouds. My father responded by opening every window and door and shouting, "Come at me, bro!" FML
by vanillatwilight2 / 11/20/2012 at 11:50pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to visit my parents. Dad went on a religious tirade, and Mum got sick of him and pelted a Brazil nut at his head. Dad then lost his shit, and told Mum to go to her room and pray. I now remember why I moved out of home in the first place. FML
by Sigh / 09/13/2009 at 8:42am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by Michelle / 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
by Ahhwtf / 08/18/2009 at 7:47am / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML
by fearofzombies / 08/13/2009 at 2:17pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/10/2009 at 12:31pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
by creepermagnet / 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
by sober / 02/11/2009 at 9:09pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
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