mzmush

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mzmush

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  • Number of visits : 418
  • Number of comments : 19
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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mzmush's page activity

Visits<b>teotsi</b> - the 06/14/2014 at 11:59am

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mzmush's favorite FMLs

Today, my boss fired me from my job at a local family-owned business. Thanks, mom. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2013 at 12:15pm / United States / Work

Today, I walked into an exam after having stayed up 20 straight hours studying. The professor looked at me and muttered, "Don't bother, I'm failing you either way." FML

by Tired / 03/20/2013 at 4:26pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my third night of finally living on my own in a house. I can't count the number of times I have run to my knife and pepper spray after hearing "suspicious" sounds. Maybe I'm not ready to be an adult after all. FML

by nearly20yetasfearfulasatoddlerhavingnightmares / 03/19/2013 at 2:32am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML

by Cliché... or Touché? / 03/17/2013 at 5:07am / Intimacy

Today, I invited my long-lost best friend over, because I haven't seen her much since she got a new boyfriend. 20 minutes into hanging out, he showed up at my door. He still hasn't left, and they're having sex on my couch right now. FML

by kenleybunch / 03/12/2013 at 9:22am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, my husband told me that occasionally I pick my nose while I sleep. I didn't believe him so he showed me the video he took of it. He wants to post it on Facebook. FML

by Emily / 08/01/2012 at 1:44am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband told me that occasionally I pick my nose while I sleep. I didn't believe him so he showed me the video he took of it. He wants to post it on Facebook. FML

by Emily / 08/01/2012 at 1:44am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 12:17am / Canada / Intimacy

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2012 at 11:36pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be hilarious if she pulled a prank on me, so she did the classic "bucket of water on a door" one. I ended up getting stitches and a concussion on my birthday. FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2012 at 2:41am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML

by ugh / 06/08/2012 at 12:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at work, reading some funny stories on my phone. Just as one of my co-workers decided to share that his father had passed away recently, I burst into uncontrollable, teary-eyed laughter at a story. They don't believe my explanation, and have branded me the office asshole. FML

by Anonymous / 06/05/2012 at 2:47pm / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Work