mzhaze

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Offline (the 10/24/2015 at 1:41am)

mzhaze

35Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 10 November 1992 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 809
  • Number of comments : 29
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About mzhaze : Im home all the time and am always online, so send me a message :)
Take life by the tits and milk it!♡♥♡♥
If you 'Fuck' me, I'll 'Fuck' you back ;)

mzhaze's page activity

Visits<b>tehstarchild</b> - the 03/22/2016 at 11:19pm<b>ale1139</b> - the 03/08/2016 at 10:39pm<b>Nanu77</b> - the 02/19/2016 at 7:27pm<b>BigLatchZatch</b> - the 02/18/2016 at 12:46am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 02/15/2016 at 2:12pm<b>LivToFail</b> - the 01/23/2016 at 12:38am<b>petraramsak</b> - the 01/16/2016 at 8:35am<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 11:51pm<b>TheLastCenturion</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 5:08pm<b>EvilTurtle</b> - the 11/28/2015 at 1:12am<b>Jellahhhhy</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 8:40pm<b>BigJoeZD</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 4:54am<b>Mons</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 4:56pm<b>fastman19</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 4:49pm<b>Captain_Brittain</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 2:22am<b>hardesty2904</b> - the 11/08/2015 at 9:06pm<b>sexymomo1234</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 10:42pm<b>terryaly</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 3:34am

Fucked!<b>LivToFail</b> - the 01/23/2016 at 6:39am<b>TheLastCenturion</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 11:09pm<b>BigJoeZD</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 10:54am<b>hardesty2904</b> - the 11/09/2015 at 3:06am<b>MissDramaQueen</b> - the 10/24/2015 at 1:33am<b>beeferjay</b> - the 10/19/2015 at 10:17pm<b>keiNan</b> - the 10/16/2015 at 3:37am<b>cpmagma</b> - the 10/13/2015 at 9:48am<b>amine91</b> - the 10/12/2015 at 10:54pm<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 10/12/2015 at 2:04pm<b>OhWhoCares</b> - the 10/12/2015 at 3:24am<b>Nanu77</b> - the 10/12/2015 at 12:42am<b>Jellahhhhy</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 8:00pm<b>youngmessi252525</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 5:26pm<b>youngmuller1</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 2:15pm<b>seeoseek</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 1:27pm<b>Kruitdamp</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 6:32pm<b>Toonice45</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 9:31am

mzhaze's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of mzhaze's badges

mzhaze's favorite FMLs

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

by Gassy / 09/21/2015 at 10:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a club and caught a cute guy's eye from across the bar. He smiled at me, got up and came over, then said "Oh shit! You looked way hotter from back there. Damn!" and walked away. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2014 at 8:33pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I was watching The Walking Dead while in bed, when I heard a noise in the kitchen. I told myself I was just imagining things. Several hours later, as I was getting ready for sleep, I found out I'd actually been robbed. FML

by Slow_Walker / 11/15/2014 at 5:59pm / Georgia (Dushet'is Raioni) / Intimacy

Today, I was stuck in the elevator at my building, so I pushed the emergency button which made a ringing noise. After half an hour, I hear someone yelling to the elevator, "Could you stop pushing that button, there are kids sleeping." FML

by Virginy / 10/31/2014 at 9:26pm / France / Transportation

Today, my roommate decided that because she has an oral report due, she's going to scream at the top of her lungs until she loses her voice to get out of it. It's been two hours and she refuses to stop. FML

by why me? / 09/06/2014 at 12:25am / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was waiting in line at a clothes store when someone cut in in front of me, and the gentlemen in front of me. I shouted, "Hey! Queue starts back here!". He responded by pointing out the "gentlemen" in front was actually a very realistic mannequin. FML

by QueueJumper / 02/10/2014 at 7:45pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I joked with a pregnant girl in a state juvenile correctional facility where I work that eating a lot of candy would damage the unborn baby's teeth. Without batting an eye, she responded that she would simply "eat some toothpaste after the candy." FML

by polluxdc / 01/10/2014 at 3:20am / United States (Oregon) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML

by Elisa_LmR / 01/03/2014 at 6:28pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

by zamwow / 12/20/2013 at 6:36pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to a loud crashing in the middle of the night. I went to investigate, but found nothing amiss. Nothing except an axe firmly wedged in my front door, that is. It's safe to say that I have no clue who did it, and that I needed a fresh pair of underwear. FML

by nopissleft / 12/20/2013 at 4:05pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

by -___- / 09/29/2013 at 3:46pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

by fartz / 08/31/2013 at 2:04am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

by anon / 01/18/2012 at 1:29pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

by FML.. / 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm / China (Hebei) / Intimacy

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy