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mza418

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mza418
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  • Number of visits : 3055
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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mza418's favorite FMLs

Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML

#21111822
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33552) - you deserved it (3184)

On 04/13/2014 at 10:51am - work - by worker666 (woman) - United States

Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend. As we walked back home from the cinema, he was checking his phone, when suddenly someone grabbed it and ran off. I had to be the one to go run after the thug because my 23-year-old boyfriend froze on the spot, crying. FML

Today, my teacher used an online program and accused me of plagiarism. According to the program, I plagiarized my own last name. FML

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

#21108570
329 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56374) - you deserved it (26818)

On 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm - animals - by Brody89 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, due to my wife saying I never cook and we always order pizza, I spent a good hour preparing dinner. While serving it to my kids, they started complaining. My wife told them to shut up. When she took a bite, she looked up at me, smiled, and said, "Do you, you know, want to just order pizza?" FML

#21108567
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35738) - you deserved it (4785)

On 04/09/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by Max - United States

Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML

Today, at the café I work at, I was yelled at by a woman because the drinks and food she ordered were "taking too long". Before I had the chance to get a word in, she stormed out and said she would never come back. I didn't get the chance to inform her that she hadn't ordered yet. FML

#21106207
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39872) - you deserved it (2702)

On 04/06/2014 at 8:20pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

#21104869
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40359) - you deserved it (2559)

On 04/05/2014 at 12:04am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML

#21104650
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35114) - you deserved it (10058)

On 04/04/2014 at 7:20pm - love - by ohai ur hawt, wanna fuzzzZzZZzzZzz (man) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, I was supervising a written exam, which took place in a really warm room. Half of the two hundred participants has probably never heard of deodorants. The other half used probably the whole can this morning. I had to stay in this inferno of stench for five hours. FML

#21103838
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34830) - you deserved it (3037)

On 04/03/2014 at 5:48pm - work - by RIP_Nose (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, my coworkers continued their new favorite game: staring at me in total unnerving silence. I can't help but be reminded of serial killers. FML

#21103796
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29659) - you deserved it (2575)

On 04/03/2014 at 4:53pm - work - by Welshite - United States

Today, my mom brought her sleazy boyfriend home. He took one look at me, swatted my ass, and said, "It runs in the family." My mom just laughed and winked at me, and mouthed, "He's a keeper!" FML

#21103666
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50364) - you deserved it (3225)

On 04/03/2014 at 1:22pm - love - by wiona (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, a man asked me on a date. It's been so long, I accepted immediately. He began quoting what seemed like random numbers to me, and it took me a few minutes to work out what he meant. Not only was I mistaken for a prostitute, I'm also worth, at most, $60. FML

#21102227
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36571) - you deserved it (3709)

On 04/01/2014 at 8:02pm - love - by that kind of girl (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML

#21102110
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41108) - you deserved it (4730)

On 04/01/2014 at 5:41pm - kids - by derped-out sperm (man) - Ireland

Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

#21101616
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44137) - you deserved it (5105)

On 04/01/2014 at 2:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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