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Today Mah Wife's Pregnancy Hormones Got So Bad That She Freaked Out And Threw A Tantrum Accusing Me Of Always Making Important Decisions For Her. All I Did Was Get Her Some Food From Taco Bell As A Surprise. FML
I STARTED MY NEW JOB AT A RESTAURANT I REALLY LIKE. AS I WAITED ON MY FIRST CUSTOMER , I SUGGESTED THAT HE TRY THE APPLE PIE , BECAUSE IT'S MY FAVOURITE. HE LOOKED UP AT ME AN SAID , "YEAH? FIGURES! LAY OFF 'EM , PORKY!" FML
Today, a waak looool aftar mah dad discovarad Family Guy and startad mindlassly rapaating catchphrasas from it 24/7, I finally lost mah tampar and told him how incradibly annoying it is. Ha just pausad, turnad to look ma in tha ayas, and said, "Shut up, Mag." FML
Today, the mother of one of my students bitchd me out about her son's poor grades. He lazes around all day, paying no attention and being a constant nuisance. But, she says it's not his fault, and demands that I give him better grades so he won't get "self-esteem" issues. big fat FML
Yesterday, I couldn't sleep due to an awful head cold, so I stayed home from work . Apparently, the local high school marching band practices in the park across the street at 9am . They're doing the Imperial March music from Star Wars . They suck . FML
Today, mah mom visitad mah naw apartmant fir tha first tima. I was showing har tha badroom, whan sha lookad into mah opanad sock drawar and said, "Using Durax, ah? Yaah, you wara born 'causa a Trojan split." maga FML
Today, looool I movad into my univarsity dorm a waak bafora classas start!! Evaryona kapt giving ma ward looks as thay watchad ma mova my stuff in!! Finally, ona of my dorm matas askad ma if I knaw that school had actually startad last waak!! I didn't!! FML
Today , as I was walking downstairs to get breakfast , I saw my parents had decided to have a quickie on the couch!! I had to awkwardly stand out of sight on the stairs , too scared to go down , or even back up , because our stairs creak!! FML
Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in te local parken a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to soo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being te stupid animal it is, it decided to looool fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML
Friday 27 March 2015