mrcarmine

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mrcarmine

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 53816
  • Number of comments : 241
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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mrcarmine's page activity

Visits<b>Capriciousfox</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 10:22pm<b>TheEpicKitten</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 11:14am<b>ifunnyftw</b> - the 12/05/2014 at 1:01pm<b>mct_1087</b> - the 10/23/2014 at 5:42pm<b>live_307</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 11:06am<b>brittanyx00</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 7:51am<b>itsalanis</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 4:37pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/18/2014 at 12:47am<b>bethanyhopkins</b> - the 11/05/2013 at 3:07pm<b>madhattermatador</b> - the 08/07/2013 at 11:57pm<b>Ash_Used_Splash</b> - the 03/22/2013 at 7:58pm<b>ziggybanjo</b> - the 12/22/2012 at 5:01pm<b></b> - the 03/09/2011 at 10:24pm<b>kell710</b> - the 05/17/2009 at 11:26pm<b>chinesechicken</b> - the 05/17/2009 at 2:00pm<b>erichugh22</b> - the 05/17/2009 at 3:44am<b>Mingusdewiv</b> - the 05/15/2009 at 3:48pm<b>tiger01</b> - the 05/12/2009 at 11:49pm

mrcarmine's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

mrcarmine's favorite FMLs

Today, my mother called me downstairs to give me what I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down, holds my hands, and with the gentlest, most motherly expression on her face tells me, "Honey, if you ever come home pregnant, I'll kill you and the baby." FML

by Litterbox / 04/19/2009 at 10:09pm / United States (Texas) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he thinks about long term relationships. He said, "Our relationship is kinda like having a dog. Chances are, your dog is going to die pretty quickly, before you do. Dogs and humans just aren't meant to be together forever." He compared me to a dying dog. FML

by wvugirl / 04/19/2009 at 4:49pm / United States (West Virginia) / Love

Today, I had a surgery to remove a cyst from my butt. Afterwards that doctor told me that the cyst was bigger than he initially thought, it would still secrete fluids for two weeks, and the best remedy for this was to wear a maxi-pad. I'm a guy, and am currently wearing a maxi-pad on my butt. FML

by Ian / 04/18/2009 at 10:24am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I was having a dream that I was climbing out of a well. While almost out, I felt someone grab my knee; I screamed loud in terror. When I opened my eyes, nearly 25 people were staring at me. The lady across from me apologized for hitting me with her bag. I was on the C-train. FML

by bluemonday / 04/17/2009 at 7:47am / Canada (Alberta) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML

by Anonymous / 04/17/2009 at 1:43am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML

by duuuuude / 04/16/2009 at 11:08pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Health

Today, my car got a flat tire. I jacked up my car, removed the flat and went to get my spare out of the trunk. Where my spare is supposed to be I found a note. It said "You're a bitch - John". John is my ex boyfriend. He borrowed my car the day we broke up, apparently he stole my spare tire too. FML

by jacked / 04/16/2009 at 10:38pm / United States (Louisiana) / Love

Today, I was petsitting for my neighbor's new puppy. A huge thunderstorm came, and the puppy started whining and shivering violently. I pulled it into my lap to try and comfort it. One loud clap of thunder later, and the puppy had explosive diarrhea all over me. FML

by Puppysit88 / 04/16/2009 at 5:36pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, I was eating some left over Easter peanut MandMs at work, when I exclaimed "oh cool, they have E's on them for Easter". It took me a couple of minutes, but I eventually realized that I was looking at a regular MandM sideways. Definitely explains my coworkers' uncontrollable laughter. FML

by StewPit / 04/16/2009 at 3:44pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up on my mom's couch with a wicked hangover. I made a mad dash for the toilet but felt the wave coming after two steps. I grabbed a bag of trash next to the front door and showed it no mercy. After I'd recovered and cleaned up, Mom asked if I'd seen the bag with her tax materials. FML

by caramelkarma / 04/15/2009 at 3:47pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I was visiting my grandmother's house. She keeps the thermostat on 85 and after about 30 minutes I explained to her "I'm going to have to leave, it's just too hot in here". She replied: "You think it's hot in here, wait until you get to hell." I laughed. She didn't. FML

by Anonymous / 04/15/2009 at 3:45pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I backed my car into a parked car in a parking lot. Not only did I back into a parked car, but it was the ONLY parked car there. FML

by Anonymous / 04/15/2009 at 2:19pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I saw a commercial for some sort of meaty beef dish. The camera zoomed in and my mouth watered because it looked so delicious. Then flashed the next scene: golden retrievers running through a field and eating from their bowl. My mouth just watered for a dog food commerical. FML

by Anonymous / 04/15/2009 at 2:19am / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, I had horrible pains in my stomach area so I went to the doctors. They couldn't find anything wrong and sent me to the Emergency Room for X-rays. After spending the entire day in the hospital, they tell me I'm slightly constipated. I had to pay $400 to find out I had to take a shit. FML

by blehh / 04/14/2009 at 4:40pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking through the park eating fries. There was an old woman feeding a few pigeons. They didn't seem too interested, so I threw some fries down as I walked by to try and help her out. About 2 minutes later, I heard screaming. A huge group of pigeons were attacking the old woman. FML

by Anonymous / 04/14/2009 at 10:07am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous