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mouthmanderz's favorite FMLs
Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML
by Anonymous / 08/03/2014 at 1:16am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML
by Emliy / 08/01/2014 at 1:06am / United States (Illinois) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/17/2014 at 7:24pm / United States (California) / Money
by BobRyder / 04/10/2014 at 4:52pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money
by You Are My Sunshine / 02/23/2014 at 11:18pm / United States (California) / Love
by fmylyfe / 11/09/2013 at 9:15am / United States (Minnesota) / Work
Today, I let my 3-year-old daughter watch Finding Nemo on my phone while I made her lunch. I returned to find she had dropped my phone into the fish bowl so that her goldfish could see his friends. FML
by thanks, Nemo. / 07/11/2013 at 7:13pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/11/2013 at 1:08pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Beth / 04/28/2013 at 9:16am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/17/2013 at 1:39am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by guess I'm stuck / 04/16/2013 at 3:23am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I took my four year old son to the playground. When it was time to go, he squirmed out of my arms back to the jungle gym. Not being the type of mother to put up with bad behavior, I swatted his rear and told him we had to go. That's when I realized I'd just spanked the wrong child who was wearing the same coat as my son. FML
by lilmamma / 11/05/2010 at 1:29pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, after getting an expensive haircut, I showed it to my boyfriend. Instead of saying, "Wow, those bangs look great on you" he said, "Wow, you look really good when you don't show your forehead." FML
by Anonymous / 11/05/2010 at 1:05am / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
by konens_dick / 03/22/2009 at 6:38am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, because I’m on my period, I asked my boyfriend to turn around so I could change my clothes.… Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was… Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one…