About mordecaiandrigby : Hi, I'm an opinionated person. Although I'm usually nice, I'm pretty sarcastic. Judging my number of unconfirmed FMLs, apparently my life sucks, but not enough to get an FML confirmed.
mordecaiandrigby's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
mordecaiandrigby's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML
by Subliminal message / 01/19/2014 at 6:21pm / Switzerland / Intimacy
Today, after three weeks of fighting with my husband, I found out that he really didn't create an account on a website for cheaters and charge the bill to his credit card. Our daughter did it as a prank, and only confessed because our fighting was stressing her out. FML
by Anonymous / 01/18/2014 at 1:16pm / United States / Kids
by JaneChemi / 01/15/2014 at 4:47pm / United States (California) / Love
by Z3R0G5 / 01/06/2014 at 6:00pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals
Today, my 11 month-old son started viciously biting whatever part of my anatomy he can sink his teeth into. He thinks it is hysterical to latch on while I scream helplessly in pain for him to let go. FML
by Anonymous / 01/01/2014 at 12:38am / United States (New York) / Kids
by JoshuasGirl / 12/23/2013 at 2:13pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/22/2013 at 3:45am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/17/2013 at 4:57pm / Egypt / Kids
by confsused / 12/16/2013 at 12:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/14/2013 at 2:24am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my elderly neighbor along with our community church's priest came to my house and demanded to "give them the girl". The girl is my 3-year-old daughter, who has natural born red irises and is photo-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML
by OakStake / 12/08/2013 at 5:07pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I realized that no matter what I accomplish in life, I'll always be remembered for being the son of a woman so stupid that she claimed she used to be Elvis Presley's mistress. She was still an infant when he died. FML
by fs / 11/23/2013 at 6:45pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, after having my sinuses draining for a couple days, my ma stopped by for a surprise visit. Upon discovering the trash can full of used tissues, she called my pastor grandfather to talk to me about the chronic masturbation problem I don't have, but that everyone now thinks I have. FML
by Thors_Hammer9999 / 11/23/2013 at 1:05am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML
by B_and_W / 11/21/2013 at 6:35am / France / Kids
by cricketsins / 11/07/2013 at 10:33pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not… Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to spank the ferret in bed and spray me while singing… Today, I invited my long-lost best friend over, because I haven't seen her much since she got a new…