About moonsalt : Writer. Student. Experienced musician. Friendly bacon scholar. Hardcore internet geek. Zombie specialist. Unable to type with boxing gloves on.
moonsalt's FML badges
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
moonsalt's favorite FMLs
Today, I was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML
by I hate that game / 11/23/2013 at 11:11am / United Kingdom (Wigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML
by smooth / 11/21/2013 at 11:10am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by nosestealer / 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by guess I'm stuck / 04/16/2013 at 3:23am / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 03/16/2013 at 2:19am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I asked my boyfriend to give me a back rub. He claimed that he had a sore hand, so I retorted, "You have two hands, right?" Still bitter about not being able to have sex with me while I'm on my period, he shot back, "You have two holes, right?" I give up. FML
Today, I was at the airport, when a lady came up and loudly asked if she could sit next to me. I have serious social issues, so to avoid having to talk to her, I pretended I was deaf and couldn't hear her. She immediately broke out her sign language skills. FML
by human lava lamp / 03/10/2013 at 3:54pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by LucidNightmare / 01/27/2013 at 12:38am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/13/2012 at 11:14pm / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 05/08/2012 at 7:35am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I got a ticket for vandalizing public property. I decided to draw a cat on the street outside my house in sidewalk chalk. I'm 20, and I have to explain to my parents why I'm playing with chalk instead of studying. FML
by AliRocks / 02/15/2011 at 2:03pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my car alarm went off so I went outside to investigate. Apparently, the abundant rain water in my street had swept a trash can five houses down, only to be stopped by my car. My bumper was dented by a run-away waste receptacle. FML
by rainey / 02/03/2010 at 1:27am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I found a bell that had been tied into the tassel of my ski hat by my twin sister as part of a longstanding prank war between us. I'm deaf and have apparently been jingling like an elf for over a week. FML
by hipprep83 / 03/20/2009 at 1:40pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
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