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monkeyspark's favorite FMLs
by Nobody / 11/27/2009 at 4:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by Nick / 11/27/2009 at 5:11am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Miscellaneous
Today, I received the sweetest love letter from my boyfriend after having a bad day. After gushing about it and reading it to my friends, they said it reminded them of a letter that they'd seen online. He got it from a fill-in-the-blank love letter generator. FML
by Duped / 11/27/2009 at 3:09am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
by jibberish / 11/21/2009 at 7:15pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Molly / 11/14/2009 at 2:48pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a party where I ate a bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML
by swedishdude / 11/14/2009 at 8:37am / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on blind date with a guy because both our moms thought we'd like eachother. Things were going really well until I got up to go to the bathroom and he says: "My mom was right, you do have perfect breedin' hips!" FML
by Starchyld / 11/11/2009 at 7:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by userrrrr / 10/17/2009 at 10:25pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, I was in the 'intimacy' section of Walmart. After grabbing 2 boxes of condoms and a vibrating ring I turn around to see my ex boyfriend's mom. I smile awkwardly and put my head down as I walk away, causing me to colide with his dad and send my 'goodies' all over the floor. FML
by RahiYeah09 / 09/17/2009 at 2:45pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by cramps / 09/17/2009 at 9:59am / Australia (Victoria) / Health
Today, it was the first day of my job at a kindergarten. A boy fell over in the playground, so I ran over to see if he was OK. He got up and had a huge red mark on the side of his face. Shocked, I yelled "Oh my god, your face!" Turns out it's a very large port-wine birthmark and now he won't stop crying. FML
by GhettoBeast / 09/08/2009 at 12:42am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Kids
Today, I was strolling past an old women when from behind she called "can you help me get the rest of the groceries out of the car?" I approached the car, and helped her un-load bags. She began hitting me, screaming "SOMEONE IS STEALING MY THINGS". She was actually asking her son in the car. FML
by LGFLIPSTER / 08/30/2009 at 11:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/18/2009 at 7:45pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. Cockblocked by another pussy. FML
by Steve / 08/16/2009 at 1:04pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. Depressed, I changed my Facebook status to, "Hate me today, hate me tomorrow, hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends, including my mom, liked this. FML
by JazzSpazz / 08/11/2009 at 2:40am / United States (California) / Love
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…