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moniboy
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  • Number of visits : 504
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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moniboy's favorite FMLs

Today, while driving during rush hour, I was singing so loudly that some jackass in the car next to me felt he should get my attention by throwing a wadded-up McDonald's bag through my open window, hitting me in the face with it, and telling me to shut up. FML

#20749580
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24677) - you deserved it (44951)

On 06/27/2013 at 12:39am - misc - by authorx - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to go to therapy for my fear of cats. All the way there, my girlfriend kept making cat noises and scratching at me. FML

#20748338
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37179) - you deserved it (7331)

On 06/26/2013 at 12:42pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to mow a penis into our lawn. I guess he forgot my parents are coming over. FML

#20747044
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36394) - you deserved it (4258)

On 06/25/2013 at 7:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while life-guarding in a 55+ community, I greeted a man by saying: "Good morning Sir!" He responded with, "Cut the shit kid, I'm not that fucking old." FML

#20746882
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36590) - you deserved it (5198)

On 06/25/2013 at 5:45pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while walking around town, some guy grabbed me from behind, clutched at my nipples, and said, "That's where I always imagined they were." FML

#20746398
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48612) - you deserved it (3681)

On 06/25/2013 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was bored so I began to try to convince my boyfriend that Albert Einstein was actually African-American, and that he painted himself white so he would be accepted as a scientist. Due to his competitive nature, he replied, "I already knew that babe." FML

#20745866
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45332) - you deserved it (7862)

On 06/25/2013 at 2:12am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I used a public restroom. I saw my sister's shoes walk into the stall next to me, so I gave her a little nudge with my foot. We then nudged each other until I walked out and saw a homeless man with the same shoes as my sister. He then tried to hold my hand. FML

#20745749
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24823) - you deserved it (38755)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

#20745688
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44301) - you deserved it (11006)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:22am - intimacy - by dan (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my daughter's obsession with Canada got out way of hand when she was suspended for climbing up the flagpole, in an attempt to replace the flag with a red-and-white maple leaf one. FML

Today, my husband finally returned from his 18-month deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from my Aunt. She was hiding in our closet the whole time to surprise us with cake for his safe return. FML

#20743795
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72782) - you deserved it (6473)

On 06/24/2013 at 12:37am - intimacy - by jgtrflynn (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML

#20742274
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54050) - you deserved it (20999)

On 06/23/2013 at 6:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I had a threesome. He suggested we have another guy. It ended up devolving into a twosome, and I wasn't part of it. FML

#20740333
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72247) - you deserved it (16403)

On 06/22/2013 at 2:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my brother got one of those water-vapour cigarettes. I was playing around with it, and my neighbour saw me through the window. She came over to yell at my parents about my "addiction" to marijuana. When my parents told her to get lost, she called the cops and tried to get me arrested. FML

Today, I was planning on having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, so I asked my roomate to stay out of our apartment. About half-way through, my roomate blared "The Eye of the Tiger" from the other side of the door. My girlfriend laughed so hard that we couldn't finish. FML

#20733192
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50594) - you deserved it (6901)

On 06/18/2013 at 12:16pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML

#20723435
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53492) - you deserved it (3993)

On 06/13/2013 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by Hannah (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



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