moniboy

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Offline (the 11/04/2014 at 2:45am)

moniboy

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  • Number of visits : 2140
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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moniboy's favorite FMLs

Today, while waiting in the queue at a supermarket checkout, my three-year-old daughter yells out, "Mom! Mom! Is that a man or a lady in front?" Embarrassed, I reply, "Honey, can't you see that it's a... it's a... a..." FML

by [...] / 12/12/2013 at 9:28am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Kids

Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML

by B_and_W / 11/21/2013 at 6:35am / France / Kids

Today, in the small hours of the morning, my roommate's boyfriend kicked his foot through the thin wall separating our bedrooms during sex. They didn't even stop. FML

by BreakingTheMood / 11/13/2013 at 1:08pm / Finland (Southern Finland) / Intimacy

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

by CanWeAllGetOne / 11/13/2013 at 1:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML

by long day / 11/12/2013 at 3:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, after making several comments about how I didn't exactly look thin, my boyfriend said, "Well, at least we know you'll look good pregnant." FML

by Cheer4Life / 11/11/2013 at 4:41pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my husband and I went for our 20 week scan and found out we're having a girl. The first thing he said to me was, "The next one better be a boy or I'm leaving you". FML

by Naomi / 11/10/2013 at 5:28am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids

Today, while working at Chipotle, a teenage girl asked in all seriousness if she "could have a steak burrito, but with like, chicken instead?" FML

by fmylyfe / 11/09/2013 at 9:15am / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML

by kel / 11/08/2013 at 6:50pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Love

Today, in the lunch line at school, a kid literally ordered a "hamburger with extra swag." FML

by thank god you'll only live once / 11/08/2013 at 3:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML

by notsogood / 11/08/2013 at 3:02pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was escorted out of a grocery store for beating my boyfriend with a block of cheese. FML

by cricketsins / 11/07/2013 at 10:33pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was in my room playing with my pet. I told my snake, "Who needs friends when I have you?" Through the wall I heard my neighbors say, "You do." I've never met my neighbors. FML

by Where is the faith in Humanity / 11/07/2013 at 6:08pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, at a grocery store, a man came up to me while I was picking out apples and whispered in my ear, "That's how Snow White died." FML

by awkward / 11/06/2013 at 4:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had planned to break up with my overbearing girlfriend. She went into complete denial mode, bought me a pair of oversized sunglasses and tomorrow we're going ice-skating. Kill me now. FML

by Trapped. / 11/05/2013 at 9:53pm / United States (Michigan) / Love