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mjbev405

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mjbev405

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  • Number of visits : 133
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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mjbev405's page activity

Visits<b>muzy</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 5:30pm

mjbev405's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of mjbev405's badges

mjbev405's favorite FMLs

Today, I am still finding glitter in my ass crack after a concert last night that had a confetti cannon. Thanks Marilyn Manson, I feel so metal now. FML

#21363653
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22928) - you deserved it (4693)

On 02/25/2015 at 11:21pm - misc - by fredi - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML

#21362728
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28247) - you deserved it (5946)

On 02/24/2015 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by Like mother like daughter (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Even after several hours I wasn't able to climax. My girlfriend now thinks that I don't like her body, and the reason I couldn't orgasm is because I don't like having sex with her. We spend the rest of the night in silence. FML

Today, once again I tried to convince my dad to stop smoking. And once again, while I was speaking, he lit up a cigarette and smoked until my asthma flared up and I was wheezing so hard that I had to leave the room. FML

#21356583
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31877) - you deserved it (3287)

On 02/15/2015 at 9:52am - love - by =( (woman) - Australia

Today, my girlfriend wanted to roleplay as a schoolgirl. I was excited, until we started and she asked me to lick her "vajayjay". I cringed so hard, my skull practically caved in. I broke down laughing while trying to explain my cringing. Now she's pissed and I'm blue-balled. FML

#21355947
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28535) - you deserved it (8921)

On 02/14/2015 at 12:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland

Today, I announced to my friends that my grandmother is dying. My best friend pulled out his phone and casually announced, "Technically, everyone is dying." FML

#21354746
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26855) - you deserved it (2456)

On 02/12/2015 at 2:16pm - health - by Dartfrogger - United States (Utah)

Today, I figured out how my birth control works. If you're on your period for four months straight you can't have sex, so you won't be pregnant. FML

#21351947
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33481) - you deserved it (3405)

On 02/08/2015 at 5:26am - health - by irwingiggles (woman) - Netherlands

Today, in a desperate attempt to get fired, I sent a sexual love letter to my boss. We're going on our first date tomorrow. FML

#21350765
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19747) - you deserved it (35859)

On 02/06/2015 at 3:06am - work - by fucked - Singapore

Today, I'm here to inform men that, "If I fucked you, I wouldn't pull out" is not an effective pick up line. Ever. Especially on a coworker. FML

#21349737
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31388) - you deserved it (4716)

On 02/04/2015 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by No thank you (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw my co-worker write about how awful Muslims were and how the religion is stupid, the hijab is oppressive, and how they're a poison on society. When I questioned them about it, they pretty much said that I didn't know anything and should stop talking. I'm Muslim and a hijabi. FML

#21349339
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32663) - you deserved it (5249)

On 02/03/2015 at 10:13pm - work - by coveredupforfun (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I stole my brother's fuzzy slippers for the day as I usually do. Too bad he had been anticipating this and had left a mouse trap in one of them. FML

#21348664
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14776) - you deserved it (40120)

On 02/02/2015 at 10:14pm - health - by toe - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my Breaking Bad obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks." during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

#21347719
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29868) - you deserved it (3276)

On 02/01/2015 at 11:17am - intimacy - by SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

#21346857
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33892) - you deserved it (3155)

On 01/30/2015 at 3:16pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I received a panicked email from one of my university students on my course on Russian history, stating that he'd "always thought Stalin was fake, like the moon landing". FML

#21346676
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25152) - you deserved it (1891)

On 01/30/2015 at 5:51am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I drove my dad to Walmart to do some shopping. His leg is still in a cast after an accident, so I helped him to the last mobility scooter. A guy whose only disability was clearly Fat-Fuck Syndrome then yelled at us, claiming he needed it more and that my dad was a faker. FML

#21343482
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33477) - you deserved it (2080)

On 01/24/2015 at 2:25pm - misc - by Elrond Hubbard (man) - United States



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

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Friday 27 February 2015

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