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mjbev405

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mjbev405

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  • Number of visits : 200
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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mjbev405's page activity

Visits<b>Mc_Knapkins</b> - the 04/22/2015 at 1:24am<b>orochimaruwe</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 8:10pm<b>Based_Muhmd</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 6:15pm<b>muzy</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 5:30pm

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mjbev405's favorite FMLs

Today, my best friend can now say "I fucked your mom" to me and actually mean it. FML

#21397883
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31952) - you deserved it (2215)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I read my 10-year-old sister's diary. That's how I found out about her disturbingly detailed plan to murder me, make it look like suicide, date my boyfriend after helping him get over my death, then marry him. FML

#21395572
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34840) - you deserved it (4545)

On 04/18/2015 at 3:01am - kids - by Anonymus (woman) - Sweden

Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML

#21392908
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25894) - you deserved it (5069)

On 04/13/2015 at 11:23am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I told my younger brother that I'm a lesbian. Now he keeps asking me if I want to play rock, paper, vagina. FML

#21390758
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27739) - you deserved it (4594)

On 04/09/2015 at 4:24pm - love - by Sarah (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I made a speech in front of my entire graduating class and their families, despite my fear of public speaking. It seemed to go well and I got a big round of applause at the end. Then I panicked and instead of waving, I lifted my arm straight out in a Hitler salute. FML

#21379710
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32820) - you deserved it (6567)

On 03/22/2015 at 8:32pm - misc - by oooooops (man) - United States

Today, I told my mom I've been having sleep issues and asked if she could take me to the doctor. She decided I just need to read the Bible more. Needless to say, I still can't sleep. FML

#21377689
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27255) - you deserved it (2160)

On 03/19/2015 at 10:24am - health - by david99021 (man) - Turkey (Ankara)

Today, my dad spent 30 minutes incorrectly correcting me about our legal system. He thinks he knows more than me because he's been divorced twice. I'm a lawyer. FML

#21376903
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (280) - you deserved it (6)

On 03/18/2015 at 3:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to get a physical, forgetting I'd shaved my pubes the day before and still had bad razor burn. My doctor told me I had "dicken pox" and was prescribing me with shaving cream. FML

#21371826
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27047) - you deserved it (6355)

On 03/10/2015 at 12:45pm - health - by parkoursam - United States (Illinois)

Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML

#21368848
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33700) - you deserved it (7160)

On 03/05/2015 at 7:25pm - misc - by Josh - United States (Missouri)

Today, during a meal out with my team and bosses, I wasn't drinking. The waiter complained, "If you're not ordering alcohol, how am I supposed to take advantage of you later?" I'm not sure what's worse, the rapey pre-dinner joke or the awkward silence as my colleagues looked on. FML

Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML

#21367918
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29) - you deserved it (74)

On 03/04/2015 at 10:03am - health - by actually just constipated.. and stupid - Tunisia

Today, after a 7 year dry spell, I finally got laid. The downside? It was in my dreams and involved a character from My Little Pony forcing itself on me. Now I hate that fucking stupid show more than ever. FML

#21365913
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31012) - you deserved it (6450)

On 03/01/2015 at 2:24pm - intimacy - by love and tolerape, apparently (man) - India (Jharkhand)

Today, I am still finding glitter in my ass crack after a concert last night that had a confetti cannon. Thanks Marilyn Manson, I feel so metal now. FML

Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML

#21362728
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34952) - you deserved it (62)

On 02/24/2015 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by Like mother like daughter (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Even after several hours I wasn't able to climax. My girlfriend now thinks that I don't like her body, and the reason I couldn't orgasm is because I don't like having sex with her. We spend the rest of the night in silence. FML



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