Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

mjbev405

Search for a member

mjbev405

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 921
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

mjbev405's page activity

Visits<b>ruckfules85</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 1:02pm<b>liquifiednate</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 10:38am<b>sonshadsil94</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 8:02am<b>J3WP33T4H</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 9:47am<b>Mc_Knapkins</b> - the 04/22/2015 at 1:24am<b>orochimaruwe</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 8:10pm<b>Based_Muhmd</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 6:15pm<b>muzy</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 5:30pm

mjbev405's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of mjbev405's badges

mjbev405's favorite FMLs

Today, I popped two tires hitting a curb. I called my dad hysterical, and he told me to call my mom and hung up. My mom's been dead for seven years. FML

#21492884
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25731) - you deserved it (1822)

On 11/15/2015 at 5:35pm - kids - by deadbeatdad - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML

#21485396
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22942) - you deserved it (2899)

On 10/28/2015 at 11:09am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my dad out shopping. I managed to pull into a really cramped parking spot and said, "Man, that was a tight squeeze." My dad then looked me in the eyes and said, "So was your mom." FML

#21474532
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24111) - you deserved it (2760)

On 09/30/2015 at 9:13am - misc - by Nick Pat (man) -

Today, my teacher plugged the speakers into the wrong input on his computer, and said, "Oops, wrong hole", to which one of the students who often makes the same mistake said, "Story of my life". I understood it differently and started laughing. It would have been fine if the teacher wasn't her father. FML

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML

#21436148
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31459) - you deserved it (4596)

On 07/04/2015 at 1:02am - intimacy - by alison (woman) - United States

Today, I was out for a walk, wearing a T-shirt with a fist on it and the words "Bump it." A guy came up to me, looked at my shirt, shrugged, and punched me in the stomach. FML

#21424919
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25543) - you deserved it (11082)

On 06/12/2015 at 9:42am - health - by fisted (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I gave my girlfriend a hickey barely an inch from her vagina. She texted me later, saying her dad saw it and had grounded her. So yeah, I'm not sure I even want to know what the hell goes on in their house. FML

#21420087
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40629) - you deserved it (3332)

On 06/03/2015 at 3:22am - intimacy - by W T F (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, a man tried to mug me. I actually apologized to him for not having my wallet on me. FML

#21419568
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28879) - you deserved it (5040)

On 06/02/2015 at 3:42am - money - by sorrystupid - United States

Today, frustrated with my very energetic kids, I told them that if they dug a hole deep enough in the backyard, they'd find China. What they really found was the previous owner's dog. FML

#21419303
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30231) - you deserved it (7860)

On 06/01/2015 at 6:45pm - kids - by pheonixxe (woman) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I started my day off with a relaxing cup of coffee, the morning paper, and the sound of my mother informing me I will be going to hell for being not believing in God. FML

#21417394
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27364) - you deserved it (5216)

On 05/29/2015 at 12:16am - misc - by idonthavereligion (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend made me a coupon book. I thought it was sweet until I noticed they were all conditional. For example; "Give your boyfriend a blowjob and he'll give you a 10 minute back massage!". They're all like that and he's mad because I refuse to use them. FML

#21417382
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32136) - you deserved it (3605)

On 05/28/2015 at 11:39pm - intimacy - by shmoooopie (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got hit on by an attractive young doctor. After talking for a while we realized that we recognized each other but couldn't figure out how. Then he remembered. He was the one who'd delivered my 10 1/2 lb baby 7 months ago. I stood out because my vag tore worse than anything he'd ever seen. FML

Today, I got so used to using this FML app while going to the bathroom that when I opened it, I accidentally peed a little. FML

#21415171
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27641) - you deserved it (11466)

On 05/24/2015 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML

#21414899
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34608) - you deserved it (2165)

On 05/24/2015 at 11:15am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: