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mjbev405

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mjbev405

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 418
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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mjbev405's page activity

Visits<b>ruckfules85</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 1:02pm<b>liquifiednate</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 10:38am<b>sonshadsil94</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 8:02am<b>J3WP33T4H</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 9:47am<b>Mc_Knapkins</b> - the 04/22/2015 at 1:24am<b>orochimaruwe</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 8:10pm<b>Based_Muhmd</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 6:15pm<b>muzy</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 5:30pm

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mjbev405's favorite FMLs

Today, I was out for a walk, wearing a T-shirt with a fist on it and the words "Bump it." A guy came up to me, looked at my shirt, shrugged, and punched me in the stomach. FML

#21424919
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24271) - you deserved it (10222)

On 06/12/2015 at 9:42am - health - by fisted (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I gave my girlfriend a hickey barely an inch from her vagina. She texted me later, saying her dad saw it and had grounded her. So yeah, I'm not sure I even want to know what the hell goes on in their house. FML

#21420087
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35825) - you deserved it (2541)

On 06/03/2015 at 3:22am - intimacy - by W T F (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, a man tried to mug me. I actually apologized to him for not having my wallet on me. FML

#21419568
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27259) - you deserved it (4696)

On 06/02/2015 at 3:42am - money - by sorrystupid - United States

Today, frustrated with my very energetic kids, I told them that if they dug a hole deep enough in the backyard, they'd find China. What they really found was the previous owner's dog. FML

#21419303
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28388) - you deserved it (7099)

On 06/01/2015 at 6:45pm - kids - by pheonixxe (woman) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I started my day off with a relaxing cup of coffee, the morning paper, and the sound of my mother informing me I will be going to hell for being not believing in God. FML

#21417394
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25937) - you deserved it (4759)

On 05/29/2015 at 12:16am - misc - by idonthavereligion (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend made me a coupon book. I thought it was sweet until I noticed they were all conditional. For example; "Give your boyfriend a blowjob and he'll give you a 10 minute back massage!". They're all like that and he's mad because I refuse to use them. FML

#21417382
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28500) - you deserved it (2912)

On 05/28/2015 at 11:39pm - intimacy - by shmoooopie (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got hit on by an attractive young doctor. After talking for a while we realized that we recognized each other but couldn't figure out how. Then he remembered. He was the one who'd delivered my 10 1/2 lb baby 7 months ago. I stood out because my vag tore worse than anything he'd ever seen. FML

Today, I got so used to using this FML app while going to the bathroom that when I opened it, I accidentally peed a little. FML

#21415171
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26182) - you deserved it (10561)

On 05/24/2015 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML

#21414899
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32819) - you deserved it (2060)

On 05/24/2015 at 11:15am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

#21414271
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25785) - you deserved it (5524)

On 05/23/2015 at 12:38am - misc - by Strainer - United States (California)

Today, we were discussing evolution at the super-religious school I'm forced to attend. I mentioned homo sapiens, and my teacher mockingly replied, "You actually believe in homo sapiens? Hahahah!" The whole class started laughing. No, not at the teacher; at me. FML

#21414003
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30319) - you deserved it (2102)

On 05/22/2015 at 1:10pm - misc - by homo fuckofftus (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was the first time a guy has shown any interest in me by calling me pretty. I was so shocked that instead of saying thank you, I hid behind the nearest object and promptly giggle-snorted. FML

Today, once again, I explained that yes, I'm Russian. No, I'm not a communist. No, I don't pray to a picture of Putin riding a bear. And no, I don't have any vodka on me. FML

#21408243
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30657) - you deserved it (3025)

On 05/11/2015 at 2:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML

#21402047
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31627) - you deserved it (9802)

On 04/29/2015 at 10:25pm - intimacy - by MiniJeans - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she'd leave me for her ex in a heartbeat. Tomorrow is, or should I say "was", our wedding day. FML

#21399347
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34551) - you deserved it (1971)

On 04/25/2015 at 3:57am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Montana)



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