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mjbev405

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mjbev405

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 282
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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mjbev405's page activity

Visits<b>ruckfules85</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 1:02pm<b>liquifiednate</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 10:38am<b>sonshadsil94</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 8:02am<b>J3WP33T4H</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 9:47am<b>Mc_Knapkins</b> - the 04/22/2015 at 1:24am<b>orochimaruwe</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 8:10pm<b>Based_Muhmd</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 6:15pm<b>muzy</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 5:30pm

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mjbev405's favorite FMLs

Today, I got so used to using this FML app while going to the bathroom that when I opened it, I accidentally peed a little. FML

#21415171
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24854) - you deserved it (9890)

On 05/24/2015 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML

#21414899
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30669) - you deserved it (1900)

On 05/24/2015 at 11:15am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

#21414271
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24646) - you deserved it (5207)

On 05/23/2015 at 12:38am - misc - by Strainer - United States (California)

Today, we were discussing evolution at the super-religious school I'm forced to attend. I mentioned homo sapiens, and my teacher mockingly replied, "You actually believe in homo sapiens? Hahahah!" The whole class started laughing. No, not at the teacher; at me. FML

#21414003
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29134) - you deserved it (1977)

On 05/22/2015 at 1:10pm - misc - by homo fuckofftus (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was the first time a guy has shown any interest in me by calling me pretty. I was so shocked that instead of saying thank you, I hid behind the nearest object and promptly giggle-snorted. FML

Today, once again, I explained that yes, I'm Russian. No, I'm not a communist. No, I don't pray to a picture of Putin riding a bear. And no, I don't have any vodka on me. FML

#21408243
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30559) - you deserved it (3014)

On 05/11/2015 at 2:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML

#21402047
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31300) - you deserved it (9737)

On 04/29/2015 at 10:25pm - intimacy - by MiniJeans - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she'd leave me for her ex in a heartbeat. Tomorrow is, or should I say "was", our wedding day. FML

#21399347
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34464) - you deserved it (1965)

On 04/25/2015 at 3:57am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Montana)

Today, my best friend can now say "I fucked your mom" to me and actually mean it. FML

#21397883
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41413) - you deserved it (2821)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I read my 10-year-old sister's diary. That's how I found out about her disturbingly detailed plan to murder me, make it look like suicide, date my boyfriend after helping him get over my death, then marry him. FML

#21395572
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38147) - you deserved it (4929)

On 04/18/2015 at 3:01am - kids - by Anonymus (woman) - Sweden

Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML

#21392908
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26388) - you deserved it (5127)

On 04/13/2015 at 11:23am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I told my younger brother that I'm a lesbian. Now he keeps asking me if I want to play rock, paper, vagina. FML

#21390758
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28108) - you deserved it (4611)

On 04/09/2015 at 4:24pm - love - by Sarah (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I made a speech in front of my entire graduating class and their families, despite my fear of public speaking. It seemed to go well and I got a big round of applause at the end. Then I panicked and instead of waving, I lifted my arm straight out in a Hitler salute. FML

#21379710
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32888) - you deserved it (6575)

On 03/22/2015 at 8:32pm - misc - by oooooops (man) - United States

Today, I told my mom I've been having sleep issues and asked if she could take me to the doctor. She decided I just need to read the Bible more. Needless to say, I still can't sleep. FML

#21377689
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27293) - you deserved it (2163)

On 03/19/2015 at 10:24am - health - by david99021 (man) - Turkey (Ankara)

Today, my dad spent 30 minutes incorrectly correcting me about our legal system. He thinks he knows more than me because he's been divorced twice. I'm a lawyer. FML

#21376903
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (326) - you deserved it (12)

On 03/18/2015 at 3:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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