About missyj0 : hi, my name is Sam and I like things because of reasons.
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missyj0's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML
by Anonymous / 04/29/2013 at 12:51pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Health
Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML
by Lockedinroom / 02/05/2013 at 11:18am / United States / Intimacy
by heallven / 01/31/2013 at 7:26am / Miscellaneous
Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML
by Kitten_Love / 01/28/2013 at 2:52pm / Animals
Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML
by Job Seeking / 01/22/2013 at 6:14am / Australia (Victoria) / Work
by whitecollar / 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm / United Kingdom (York) / Work
by childhoodupinsmoke / 11/29/2012 at 10:35pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Animals
by ihateveganism / 08/22/2012 at 12:19am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML
by anonymous / 06/20/2012 at 10:09am / United Kingdom / Animals
by girly girly / 05/26/2012 at 10:42am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the store for some pads with my dad. We got them and then went to the cashier. That's when he realized that they were scented. He took one out of the box, sniffed it, made me sniff it, then insisted the cashier smell it. FML
by vron991 / 05/13/2012 at 1:02am / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/10/2012 at 4:57pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML
by woohoo420 / 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my crush told me the reason she won't date me is my stupid haircut, so I got it cut. Turns… Today, my coworker admitted he wanted to sleep with me at the company party. But then he told me it… Today, I got food poisoning from my school's lunch and can't stop vomiting. My period also happened…