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missmandersxoxo's favorite FMLs
Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML
by Anonymous / 11/26/2013 at 2:05pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by fack / 11/26/2013 at 1:35pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized that no matter what I accomplish in life, I'll always be remembered for being the son of a woman so stupid that she claimed she used to be Elvis Presley's mistress. She was still an infant when he died. FML
by fs / 11/23/2013 at 6:45pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by InsertPopcicle / 11/22/2013 at 1:53am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML
by smooth / 11/21/2013 at 11:10am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML
by B_and_W / 11/21/2013 at 6:35am / France / Kids
by Anonymous / 11/19/2013 at 8:09pm / United States (Minnesota) / Animals
by Anonymous / 11/15/2013 at 4:45am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Miscellaneous
by AshlynnPrime / 11/14/2013 at 5:44pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by icyrebel25 / 11/12/2013 at 6:57pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by queenxalee / 11/11/2013 at 6:58pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML
by kel / 11/08/2013 at 6:50pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Love
Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML
by Anonymous / 11/08/2013 at 6:02pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals
by awkward / 11/06/2013 at 4:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up late and had to rush to catch my bus. Upon arriving at school, I was hot from running and took off my sweater. It was then, in a lecture hall with 400 people, that I realised I hadn't put a shirt on underneath. FML
by barebackingit / 11/04/2013 at 2:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I was in line at a checkout. I have quite a few facial piercings and 1/2" gauges in my ears.… Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was… Today, I was washing my boobs in the shower when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I got super…