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missmandersxoxo's favorite FMLs
by awilson / 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by ginny / 09/10/2009 at 1:18pm / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
Today, when we were at wrestling practice, we had to bend over to stretch. When I bent down, I noticed a car on the street stopped. There was a sixty year old man watching us. He then licked his lips and drove away. FML
by iceman123432 / 09/02/2009 at 4:07pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by pistonchamp159 / 08/28/2009 at 3:51am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I spotted my neighbour's cat sitting on their front garden. I bent over and began walking towards it with my hand out saying, "Hello pussycat". I was only a few feet away when I realised I was talking to a white bag of sand. I turned to see my family in hysterics. FML
by Anonymous / 08/25/2009 at 7:40am / United Kingdom (Reading) / Animals
by Crossy / 08/23/2009 at 2:54am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by N1ch0la1 / 08/08/2009 at 5:35am / South Africa (Western Cape) / Animals
Today, I was introduced to my future stepmother, but it turns out that I already know her. Not only are we the same age and went to the same high school, when we were in the same math class together the teacher would often confuse our names because "we could pass as twins". FML
by whatismydadthinking / 08/06/2009 at 4:45am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Miscellaneous
by kashish0711 / 08/02/2009 at 12:14pm / India (Chandigarh) / Miscellaneous
Today, my auto-repairman told me my heavy mass of keys was bad for the ignition switch and suggested I separate my house and car keys. I began to carry my car keys and lock the house keys in my glovebox. My car was stolen. I now have car keys but no car and a house with no house key. FML
by LockedOut / 07/24/2009 at 8:55pm / United States (Michigan) / Transportation
Today, I was in the living room with my brother and his two older, hot friends when my mother walks out from the toilet and tells me, "Honey, if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie wipe the seatie." Need I say more? FML
by Mortified / 07/22/2009 at 5:48am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
by sexychica / 07/21/2009 at 1:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I met with an important client to talk about his stake in the company. The guy was at least 80 years old. After taking care of business we spoke about my final year at the company. As he got up to leave he said "Good luck in your final year". Without thinking, I replied "You too". FML
by moutz / 07/20/2009 at 3:13am / Australia (Victoria) / Work
Today, I was attempting to teach a bunch of 2nd and 5th graders on why it's so important to face your fears and try your best. It was going pretty well, until I was attacked by a pair of butterflies. I am afraid of butterflies - I ran away screaming like a little girl. FML
by tryscal / 07/12/2009 at 12:35am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "radiance ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "radiance ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML
by takinabreak / 07/10/2009 at 1:03pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…