About missalyssaxo : Reading FML makes me feel better about my life. I go to a wonderful university, but could bitch about every other fucked up aspect of my life.
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missalyssaxo's favorite FMLs
Today, my 4 year-old grand-daughter let her pet rabbit loose in the yard, while my 2 year-old grandson was trying to climb on a chair, then a table. I had to choose between catching the rabbit before it ran under the fence, or saving my grandson from falling on the concrete terrace. FML
by arianelagolden / 05/05/2016 at 2:07pm / Belgium (Brabant Wallon) / Animals
Today, my new upstairs neighbors moved in. Within ten minutes of getting in the door they were screaming and arguing about everything, practically handing out death threats to each other. I then heard them having even louder makeup sex for about three hours afterwards. FML
by 12MONTHLEASE / 04/21/2016 at 8:30pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend of 2 years, I was backing out of his driveway when he came running out yelling "STOP!" I thought he wanted to make up so I kept going, until I'd run over his dog. FML
by itsnotyouitsme / 04/20/2016 at 2:54pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I was driving to work and I got a text from my girlfriend. She said she was breaking up with me. I was a little heartbroken, but I had to get on with my day. I got to work and my boss fired me. Turns out, my boss and girlfriend have been having an affair and she told him to fire me. FML
by Anonymous / 03/22/2016 at 9:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I received a letter from an eBay seller for whom I recently left an honest, negative review. I don't know what I was expecting, but I certainly wasn't ready for what spilled out coating my jeans, shoes, and brand new carpet: Glitter. FML
by okaydisarray / 03/22/2016 at 4:23pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by debiebs / 12/29/2015 at 7:04am / Brazil (Bahia) / Love
Today, after dating this girl for 3 months, I finally introduced her to my friends. She looked panicked during the date, and after it she broke up with me. When I asked why, she told me she could try to deal with a black friend, but not with a gay one. I've been dating a moron all this time. FML
by Alien / 12/29/2015 at 6:07am / Switzerland / Love
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time when she noticed I only have one testicle. She immediately broke up with me, for she doesn't want her future sons to be gay because they'll only have half of their testosterone. FML
by Anonymous / 12/27/2015 at 11:46pm / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
Today, my friend insisted I wear her brand new hoodie for the day. When I gave it back after a few hours, she said she just needed it stretched and couldn't find someone fatter to stretch it for her. FML
by Anonymous / 12/26/2015 at 9:07pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
by Moth_Balled / 12/14/2015 at 11:50pm / Australia / Intimacy
Today, I've spent nearly three weeks indulging my boyfriend's weird fetish, where he wears a hockey mask and I call him Jason. He just confessed it isn't really a fetish for him and that was just fucking with me. He's already told all his friends. I'm humiliated. FML
by Anonymous / 11/21/2015 at 7:44am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Intimacy
by nnniii / 11/15/2015 at 11:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about the difference between the U.S. and Canada when she asked me if they have their own government. She wasn't sure if they were governed by the U.S. or if they didn't have a government at all. She's a 33-year-old college graduate. FML
by Anonymous / 11/10/2015 at 1:29am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, even after explaining to my boyfriend that I was self conscious about my breasts because they're slightly misshaped, he still persisted with begging me for a tit pic, saying he would still see me as beautiful. I gave in and sent one. He responded with "LOL WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSSSEE." FML
by YourAverageFckUp / 08/22/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I turned in an essay about a book I'd read over the summer. My teacher later called me to her desk and began to gush about how interesting the book sounded and asked to borrow my copy. The book I wrote about is not real, and the main characters are named after my childhood pets. FML
by technicallywroteabook / 08/21/2015 at 1:15am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous