About missalyssaxo : Reading FML makes me feel better about my life. I go to a wonderful university, but could bitch about every other fucked up aspect of my life.
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missalyssaxo's favorite FMLs
Today, I took my girlfriend to her ex boyfriend's apartment for her to exchange his spare car keys for some of her grandmothers items. I waited outside in the parking lot for an hour, with no idea which door was his. She came out no longer a virgin. FML
by Joey / 06/04/2016 at 2:52pm / United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East) / Love
by tigerbyrn / 05/30/2016 at 11:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, my boss wrote me up for saying "pissed" in front of a client. This is the same boss who nearly pissed himself laughing when a client made an extremely off-color Holocaust joke a few weeks ago, in front of half the department. FML
by Anonymous / 05/29/2016 at 1:05am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
Today, my 4 year-old grand-daughter let her pet rabbit loose in the yard, while my 2 year-old grandson was trying to climb on a chair, then a table. I had to choose between catching the rabbit before it ran under the fence, or saving my grandson from falling on the concrete terrace. FML
by arianelagolden / 05/05/2016 at 2:07pm / Belgium (Brabant Wallon) / Animals
Today, my new upstairs neighbors moved in. Within ten minutes of getting in the door they were screaming and arguing about everything, practically handing out death threats to each other. I then heard them having even louder makeup sex for about three hours afterwards. FML
by 12MONTHLEASE / 04/21/2016 at 8:30pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend of 2 years, I was backing out of his driveway when he came running out yelling "STOP!" I thought he wanted to make up so I kept going, until I'd run over his dog. FML
by itsnotyouitsme / 04/20/2016 at 2:54pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I was driving to work and I got a text from my girlfriend. She said she was breaking up with me. I was a little heartbroken, but I had to get on with my day. I got to work and my boss fired me. Turns out, my boss and girlfriend have been having an affair and she told him to fire me. FML
by Anonymous / 03/22/2016 at 9:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I received a letter from an eBay seller for whom I recently left an honest, negative review. I don't know what I was expecting, but I certainly wasn't ready for what spilled out coating my jeans, shoes, and brand new carpet: Glitter. FML
by okaydisarray / 03/22/2016 at 4:23pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by debiebs / 12/29/2015 at 7:04am / Brazil (Bahia) / Love
Today, after dating this girl for 3 months, I finally introduced her to my friends. She looked panicked during the date, and after it she broke up with me. When I asked why, she told me she could try to deal with a black friend, but not with a gay one. I've been dating a moron all this time. FML
by Alien / 12/29/2015 at 6:07am / Switzerland / Love
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time when she noticed I only have one testicle. She immediately broke up with me, for she doesn't want her future sons to be gay because they'll only have half of their testosterone. FML
by Anonymous / 12/27/2015 at 11:46pm / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
Today, my friend insisted I wear her brand new hoodie for the day. When I gave it back after a few hours, she said she just needed it stretched and couldn't find someone fatter to stretch it for her. FML
by Anonymous / 12/26/2015 at 9:07pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
by Moth_Balled / 12/14/2015 at 11:50pm / Australia / Intimacy
Today, I've spent nearly three weeks indulging my boyfriend's weird fetish, where he wears a hockey mask and I call him Jason. He just confessed it isn't really a fetish for him and that was just fucking with me. He's already told all his friends. I'm humiliated. FML
by Anonymous / 11/21/2015 at 7:44am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Intimacy
by nnniii / 11/15/2015 at 11:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, while making love to my boyfriend for the first time, I moaned his name. He freaked out over… Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool… Today, I was hanging out with a co-worker who I really liked. One thing led to another and we ended…