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miss_madison's FML badges
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miss_madison's favorite FMLs
Today, I was in a rush to get to the toilet, I went in and sat on the seat. Then I felt a stinging pain on my left bum cheek. I jumped up quickly to see a wasp splashing around in the bowl. It stung me, and now have a bum cheek twice its normal size, and pee all over my pants. FML
by targetlove / 01/09/2010 at 8:23pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals
Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML
by oopsies / 01/07/2010 at 8:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by Silent / 12/03/2009 at 12:50pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Intimacy
by pussystroker / 11/19/2009 at 12:20pm / United Kingdom (Peterborough) / Intimacy
Today, I sliced a deep gash into my thumb while carving up bagels. After putting a plaster on, I returned to my room to relax, where I lit a candle. The flame from my new lighter shot up, and set fire to the plaster on my thumb. Now I have a cut AND several burns. FML
by opposableouch / 10/27/2009 at 2:46pm / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Health
by screwed.over / 10/10/2009 at 7:21pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. I began to eat when I noticed a blond hair in my food. When that happened, I went up to the counter and began complaining about their hygiene. When the manager insisted no one that works there had long blond hair, I realized that it was my hair. FML
by Anonymous / 09/30/2009 at 5:22pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by chasingcars0624 / 08/28/2009 at 7:44pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs, I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex and afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd had great sex also. FML
by Phoellie / 08/28/2009 at 7:43am / United Kingdom (London) / Holidays
Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML
by Anonymous / 08/21/2009 at 12:01am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/10/2009 at 12:31pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
by fmysexlife / 07/27/2009 at 1:06am / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy
Today, I was talking to my good friend's girlfriend. She mentioned being afraid of losing her job. Because she was still a teenager, I jokingly said, "oh, like you're responsible for a whole family." She is. FML
by Mezzlegasm / 07/10/2009 at 4:20am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to take a leak, so I went into a porta-john. I noticed another man's hand under the door with a cell phone. Angered, I aimed my stream at his hand and phone. He tilted the porta-john over in response. It was full. FML
Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML
by poopshooter101 / 06/30/2009 at 7:53am / United States (Georgia) / Health
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me… Today, at 11:30 p.m., after a 5-hour train journey to get back to Paris carrying a suitcase that’s… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only…