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minimammoth's favorite FMLs
Today, I was practising the violin in my apartment. A man knocked on the door and introduced himself with a smile, saying he wanted to know my "schedule." I replied, "I'm pretty busy but maybe we could get a drink sometime." To which he replied, "No, I just want to know when you'll stop." FML
by holly / 07/18/2010 at 10:18am / Germany (Berlin) / Miscellaneous
Today, I fell asleep on the couch and must have rolled off. When I woke up, I noticed my braces were stuck to the rug. After frantically pulling, my mom finally sawed me off the rug with scissors. FML
by Anonymous / 07/03/2010 at 12:19am / United States (New York) / Health
Today, while running late to my sister's wedding and rushing to get ready, I accidentally grabbed my travel size shaving cream can in place of my body spray, and quickly drew a blue foaming line across my rental tux. FML
by Anonymous / 05/28/2010 at 2:07pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
by laurenraeee / 05/25/2010 at 1:18am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend of 3 years in his living room when a girl barges in, sees us, and screams "I knew it!" then rushes out. My boyfriend gets up, grabs his pants and while chasing after her yells "baby she's nothing, you know I only love you!" FML
by anonymous / 04/07/2010 at 12:21am / United States (West Virginia) / Intimacy
by Celeste / 03/02/2010 at 4:14am / Singapore / Transportation
Today, I begged my husband to take me to the ER cause my stomach hurt so bad I thought I was gonna die. He told me to go sit on the toilet and stop being a drama queen. I drove myself to the hospital just in time for my appendix to burst. I almost died because my husband was busy playing xbox. FML
by Jeri / 02/26/2010 at 7:55am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my girlfriend of a couple of months texted me that she was very sad because her puppy had just passed away. Feeling sorry for her, I bought her another puppy of the same breed. I wrapped it in a blanket and placed it on the passenger seat and went to pick her up from school. She sat on it. FML
by Anonymous / 02/10/2010 at 7:03pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, my mom and I went to the mall to look for some boxer briefs. While looking, I saw two girls I knew from school, so I went over to say hello. At least, that was my plan, but my mom screamed, "Look! These have dinosaurs on them!" They left the store giggling. FML
by dinosaurboy / 02/06/2010 at 3:01pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/24/2010 at 12:21am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to tell my husband our marriage was over after I found out that he'd not only been stealing from me, but he'd also been downloading child porn. He then asked if we could break up but live in the same house so I could help pay his bills. FML
by cuppincake / 01/15/2010 at 2:51am / Australia (South Australia) / Love
Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML
by Oops / 01/14/2010 at 10:55am / United States (Georgia) / Work
Today, at a bar, a woman approched me and tried to set me up with her friend. Looking around, the only people in the bar were a man reading the paper and a very ugly woman, looking at me and smiling. I worriedly replied, "I'm sorry, but I'm gay." Turns out her friend was the one reading the paper. FML
by awkward23 / 01/12/2010 at 5:26am / United States (Washington) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex; I know that some women are great multitaskers, but I'm… Today, I woke up and realized I have experienced my first "nocturnal emission". I am a 24 year old… Today, my girlfriend sent me a sexy picture of herself in my boxers. I thought it would be funny to…