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minimammoth's favorite FMLs
Today, one of my cats peed all over the back of my couch, so I put her outside for a while. When I let her in, she ran straight to the couch and peed on my laptop. This has been going on ever since I accidentally stepped on her tail, several months ago. FML
by UghCats / 02/05/2011 at 8:58pm / United States (Wyoming) / Animals
Today, I hit a dead deer that had been left in the middle of the road. My car started to make a funny noise and smell, so I pulled over to check it, thinking I blew the tire on some antlers. The deer got stuck in my front wheel, and I'd dragged it more than a mile. And it wasn't actually dead. FML
by Anonymous / 01/21/2011 at 1:38am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 12/29/2010 at 2:03am / United States / Transportation
Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML
by notsoclean / 12/24/2010 at 4:14pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my recently married friend took off her wedding ring to make bread. Being single and pathetic, I tried it on to see what it would look like. It got stuck on my finger. The ER doctor had to cut it off. FML
by lisa / 12/22/2010 at 1:03pm / United States (California) / Love
by unattractive / 12/18/2010 at 4:32am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, while working as a hotel guard I found a homeless man lying in the grass. I asked him to move and he ignored me, continuing to lie there with his head resting on his arms and a big smile on his face. I got annoyed and started to yell at him. After a few minutes I realized he was dead. FML
by Anonymous / 12/07/2010 at 11:18pm / United States / Work
Today, I walked outside to see my friend frantically waving and running at me, yelling something I couldn't understand. I smiled and started to jog over to him until I realized he was screaming "RUN!!!" We spent the next 10 minutes running from his neighbor's 5 vicious chihuahuas. FML
by chi-huaHUA / 12/04/2010 at 2:08am / United States / Animals
Today, my boyfriend left me for my step-sister. He's been cheating on me with her for the past 6 months, and got her pregnant. I also found out that my stomach pains are due to the fact that I'm also pregnant. My family could officially qualify for Jerry Springer. FML
by Tasha84 / 11/20/2010 at 12:21am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML
by johnboy / 11/09/2010 at 12:08pm / United States (West Virginia) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 5:55am / Turkey (Istanbul) / Animals
by jacky tu / 10/15/2010 at 11:06pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML
by spriggs / 07/25/2010 at 5:06am / United States (California) / Health
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…
- Today, I lost my virginity. We did it on the floor in my step-sister's room, and the entire time he… Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She'd walked in on me jerking off, which she said is exactly… Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than…
- Today, I was watching horror stories alone in my room. It got to the climax of the story and my cat… Today, while looking for pants to fit over my cast from a broken leg the drawer of my dresser flew… Today, I found my sister talking to her dolls. This would be fine if she wasn't 24, I have to live…