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Who’s the fairest of them all?
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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
minimammoth's favorite FMLs
Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML
by Anonymous / 01/13/2014 at 2:34am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
by gottacatchemall / 01/08/2014 at 12:43am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/21/2013 at 1:26am / United States (New York) / Love
by oh why... / 12/20/2013 at 9:51am / United States / Love
Today, a man started a deep conversation with me at the bus stop about life, death, and the miracles of things we take for granted every day. I was really enjoying it until he looked at his watch and said, "Oh shit, mushrooms make me lose track of time!" and ran off into the night. FML
by whatjusthappened / 12/20/2013 at 3:45am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw the guy who helped me yesterday when I was lost by telling me which bus to take. He came up to me and asked me how it went. I told him that the bus went the exact opposite way I wanted to go. He laughed and said, "I know." FML
by Lemurcat / 12/11/2013 at 11:56am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by scared shitless / 12/10/2013 at 4:50am / United States (California) / Work
Today, concerned about my daughter's recent behavior, I looked through her web browser history. I found web searches for information on how to make a bomb to blow up a "horse". I'm not sure if she's illiterate, but either way it seems I need to get her some help. FML
by Anonymous / 12/01/2013 at 4:43pm / United States (Hawaii) / Kids
Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML
by B_and_W / 11/21/2013 at 6:35am / France / Kids
by clodius / 11/20/2013 at 1:25pm / United Kingdom (North Lanarkshire) / Intimacy
Today, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. After telling her everything I'm going through, she looked at me and said "You know... every five years or so I get a case completely beyond my ability to help." I guess it's been five years. FML
by elle / 11/19/2013 at 12:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, my boyfriend went down on me. I don't know why, but my mind wandered. He now thinks that he has the skills of a porn star, while I'm pretty sure that finally solving a mathematical problem I've been working on for a week caused me to orgasm. FML
by you+me-clothes=53>< / 11/19/2013 at 12:13pm / Austria (Wien) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML
by kittkatt1 / 11/10/2013 at 8:52pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
by Grandson / 11/07/2013 at 12:52am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Argh / 11/03/2013 at 3:18pm / France (Poitou-Charentes) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just… Today, my ex boyfriend apologized for being a jerk to me and threatening our relationship. When he… Today, it looks like I may have an STD. My fiancé and his friends went to Vegas two months ago. He…
- Today a client called the vet clinic I work at to inform us her house has bed bugs and that's the… Today, while changing my 10 week old baby's nappy and everything was going fine as usual. Just as I… Today, like every other day, I woke up and made myself a cup of coffee using my French press. After…
- Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, I’m in Rome for Halloween. I went out with few friends and spent the night with a man. The… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the…