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mimori_kiryu's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML
by DrtySnchez / 08/18/2013 at 5:37am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by holymoly / 09/05/2012 at 2:12am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by FastFoodWaiter / 09/03/2012 at 7:43pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML
by Anonymous / 01/03/2012 at 6:07pm / United States (Arizona) / Health
Today, I took my girlfriend of five and a half years to family dinner at a restaurant. After we all had finished dessert, I got down on one knee, pulled out my great grandmother's ring and proposed. The entire restaurant was dead silent. She looked around and then slowly walked out. FML
by Anonymous / 03/17/2010 at 11:38am / United States (Rhode Island) / Love
Today, I tried an herbal tea that is supposed to increase your milk supply (I'm a breastfeeding mom). Well, it worked, and it kicked in at my office, but only on one side. So when I went into the bathroom, I noticed I had one boob WAY higher and bigger than the other. Great. FML
by mama75 / 03/17/2010 at 10:18am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, I was walking down the street when I heard a loud splashing noise to my right. I looked over only to see a woman not squatting but bending over, spreading her cheeks, peeing a horse-sized amount of pee. I can't un-see this. FML
by disturbed / 03/16/2010 at 9:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was babysitting. Being kind, I went to grab their mail, while their 4 year old ate lunch. He locked me out, wrecked the house, and let me in right when he saw their car two hours later. I didn't get paid. I paid them. FML
by lockedoutbabysitter / 03/09/2010 at 12:19pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids
by kbeavv / 02/11/2010 at 12:09pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids
by creepster / 02/10/2010 at 8:39pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
by mollymaykitty / 02/02/2010 at 1:38pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out a friend of mine likes me. It wasn't by a cute gesture like a sweet little note, or a beautiful heartfelt confession like you might expect. He sprang at my boyfriend and choked him (while I strained to pull him off). Right during the middle of our 60+ student populated class. FML
by Anonymous / 01/28/2010 at 3:09am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…