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midnightm16's favorite FMLs
by NoMeatFail / 02/26/2011 at 7:59pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my roommate complained about his penis being smelly and itchy. It's been a week. Yesterday he woke me up in the middle of the night, asking if I had some kind of Vaseline or moisturizer he could use for the itching. He still refuses to go to the doctor. FML
by Anonymous / 02/13/2011 at 7:09pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Health
Today, I was driving to work when I was almost hit by a teenage driver. I gave her the finger and shouted "F*** you!" making sure that she heard me. I then saw my boss glaring at me from the passenger seat. FML
by Zeco / 02/05/2011 at 5:54pm / United States / Transportation
Today, it was both my and my stepmother's birthday. In preparation, my dad bought a huge banner with my stepmother's name on it, and a lovely birthday cake. When I told him it was also my birthday, he just grunted and taped a post-it note to the banner with my name on it. Same with the cake. FML
by stinkerweeder / 02/05/2011 at 3:30pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home to find a note on my door. I thought it was from my elderly disabled neighbors thanking me for cleaning off their snow covered car, since about 6 inches came down. It was from them, only it said I owed them for damages to their car. Damages that were already there. FML
by kittyd / 01/28/2011 at 12:24am / United States (West Virginia) / Transportation
by ohdear / 01/27/2011 at 8:07am / United Kingdom (Bury) / Intimacy
Today, I have been teaching my 5 year-old step-daughter how to read and write. She came bounding up to me with a piece of paper and said, "look what I did". It was a letter that said "My dad misses my real mommy, not you". FML
by yingyang2 / 01/05/2011 at 9:19pm / United States / Kids
Today, I hit a parked car which was sticking out in the road and practically unavoidable. I left a note on the windshield saying, "You deserved to get hit - you park like an asshole." Later I realized that the paper I tore to write on was the back of my bank statement, name and address included. FML
by Anonymous / 01/04/2011 at 3:28pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
by ihateteenagers / 12/29/2010 at 9:12pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I rented a copy How To Train Your Dragon for my young son to watch. I put the DVD in, hit play without paying attention, and went off to make lunch. A few minutes later, my son ran into the kitchen screaming. Apparently, there was a mix up at the rental store and I got a copy of Saw IV. FML
by Anonymous / 12/25/2010 at 6:21pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, my recently married friend took off her wedding ring to make bread. Being single and pathetic, I tried it on to see what it would look like. It got stuck on my finger. The ER doctor had to cut it off. FML
by lisa / 12/22/2010 at 1:03pm / United States (California) / Love
by Dopeboyfresh71 / 12/18/2010 at 8:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was smoking while driving. A cop pulled me over and asked if I knew what I did wrong. I thought he could smell the tobacco, so I decided to just admit it. As it turns out, I was going well over the speed limit. FML
by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 2:11pm / United States (Iowa) / Transportation
by miiiiilk / 12/05/2010 at 6:12am / United States (California) / Intimacy