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midnightm16's favorite FMLs
Today, what started as a fun family Easter egg hunt turned within minutes into my mother-in-law's big chance to be a dramatic cow by screaming at my 5 and 7-year-old daughters for participating in a "vile pagan ritual" and saying that we're all going to hell. They're still bawling. FML
by Anonymous / 03/31/2013 at 4:34pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend still won't talk to me, after I caused him the "worst embarrassment" of his life in front of his friends. What did I do wrong? I joined their conversation and ended up confusing the fictional characters of Gollum and Yoda with one another. FML
by Anonymous / 03/15/2013 at 8:12pm / France (Centre) / Miscellaneous
Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML
by Anonymous / 02/25/2013 at 6:00pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, I met my mother's deeply religious fiancé for the first time. His response upon seeing me was to look me square in the eye and say, "You'll need to take out that nose stud or I'm afraid you'll not be welcome in our home." FML
by Anonymous / 02/19/2013 at 2:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I played an intense paintball match, with me and my friends versus my boyfriend and his buddies. When we won, my boyfriend went mental and said he only lost because of "lag". When I pointed out we weren't in a video game, he reacted by firing a paintball straight into my chest. FML
by LagSwitchFTW / 01/25/2013 at 5:19pm / United Kingdom / Health
by maddiecat / 01/08/2013 at 12:34am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, feeling very distant to my daughter recently, I decided to sneak a peek in her diary to see what was on her mind. The book was apparently one of those that play the sound of a woman screaming when opened improperly, and alerted everyone in the house to my actions. FML
by Anonymous / 12/08/2012 at 2:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was visiting my daughter, whose husband was still asleep at noon. I made a point of stomping around on the hardwood floor and speaking loudly to wake his lazy ass up. Turns out he's now working a 14-hour graveyard shift, and it has no negative effect on his shoe-throwing skills. FML
by mom / 12/06/2012 at 2:23pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Miscellaneous
by wdunn69733 / 10/11/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, my mom heard on TV that teens need at least ten hours of sleep a day. Now she makes me go to bed at 7pm. I told her I can't finish my homework in time, and my grades will suffer. She wouldn't listen. Last week, she threatened to punish me if I don't get straight As this semester. FML
by Anonymous / 09/23/2012 at 1:28pm / Hungary (Budapest) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/27/2012 at 2:20pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML
by Lauren / 08/19/2012 at 11:53pm / United States (Iowa) / Love
Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML
by Anonymous / 08/18/2012 at 1:15am / United States / Health
Today, I continued my habit of saying, "It smells like lung cancer over here" any time I see a smoker. This guy turned out to be an amateur MMA fighter, and I was his "workout" for the day. I guess his lungs are doing fine. FML
by xd3box / 07/25/2012 at 12:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
Today, while driving home from work, I noticed the driver next to me was happily chatting on her phone. I fucking despise these would-be murderers, so I slammed my horn to signal my disgust. She panicked and swerved straight into my car. FML
by k / 06/09/2012 at 5:35pm / United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin) / Transportation