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midnightm16's favorite FMLs
Today, I pulled up next to a lady who was trying to text, smoke, and drive. My brother said that she was probably going to cause an accident. He was right. At the next light she hit us. She then yelled that I purposely caused the accident because, "that's how teenagers are". FML
by Anonymous / 05/03/2014 at 1:00am / United States (Nevada) / Transportation
Today, I was texting a girl I like, explaining how she looks like an attractive celebrity. She responded with a picture of a very unattractive lady and asked if she looked like that. I told her if she had been caught in a burning building, then yes, that would look like her. It was of her mom. FML
by spencerlong / 04/24/2014 at 11:02pm / United States (Washington) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/20/2014 at 12:03am / United States (Idaho) / Animals
Today, my boyfriend stayed over at my place for the first time. I left him in the bedroom for a couple of minutes while I used the toilet, and when I came back, he was holding my vibrator. He angrily asked me, "What the hell is this? You know this is cheating, right?" FML
by Anonymous / 04/15/2014 at 12:37pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, my wife got her period. Every single time, she ends up asking me to go buy her some midol after a few days of trying to tough it out, so I decided to buy her some ahead of time. She reacted by yelling at me for treating her like a child and implying that she couldn't go buy it herself. FML
by unappreciated husband / 03/28/2014 at 5:43pm / United States (Washington) / Love
by Vampprobs / 03/24/2014 at 9:52pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, after weeks of summoning up the courage to come out of the closet to my best friend, I told her I was gay. Immediately after she started cracking up, thinking it was a joke. I was so confused and nervous, I went along with it. She still thinks I'm straight. FML
by augiedd / 03/04/2014 at 9:46pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while, but I had heard she was pregnant. I rubbed her belly and asked when she was due. She slowly backed away, giving me a weird look and said, "Two months ago." FML
by kitty91 / 03/02/2014 at 8:14pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
by knobbed / 01/27/2014 at 6:09pm / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Health
by Anonymous / 01/25/2014 at 3:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
by Estee1024 / 01/24/2014 at 12:28am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I was playing with my little nephew and began to tickle him playfully, even though I know he doesn't like to be tickled. When I was done, he looked me straight in the eye, punched me in the groin, and told me, "No one tickles me". He's six. FML
by Ginger_Gawd / 01/20/2014 at 10:34pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML
by anon / 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend of 3 years finally proposed to me at the park we first met in. As I was about to say yes, a huge fly flew straight into my mouth. I ruined the moment by choking on it and eventually spitting it out on him. I think he's rethinking the proposal. FML
by spitball101 / 01/12/2014 at 12:26am / Australia / Love
Today, my 12-year-old daughter glued her left eyelid shut with fake eyelash glue. After spending 4 hours in the ER, I asked her why she did it. "I wanted to get Blake to notice me," she said. Blake is our neighbor's convict son. FML
by AnnoyedSister / 12/30/2013 at 5:28pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids