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midnightm16's FML badges
I’m your new creative director
You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.
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You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
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midnightm16's favorite FMLs
Today, I received an envelope from verizon. I assumed it was my bill. I opened it and saw a visa credit card offer so I quickly snapped it in half to prevent identity theft. Only after playing with the pieces for 10 minutes did I realize that it was my $100 rebate from my new phone. FML
by Anonymous / 09/25/2009 at 8:54am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I skipped class to take the girl I like to the airport, and after giving her a goodbye hug I kissed her on the cheek. She laughed and said "Maybe we should discuss some boundaries when I get back." FML
by strikeout / 09/03/2009 at 10:47pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I was taking a shower outside at my fiancé's beach house. I was struggling to take my bikini bottoms off so I started to walk backwards to step out of it. Little did I know that I had pushed the door open. My fiancé, his family, and my family all saw me bend over naked. FML
by Anonymous / 08/29/2009 at 12:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 5-year-old daughter saw a pad commercial. She asked me what they were, but I didn't think she was old enough to hear it. I just told her that they're like diapers for mommies. Now she won't stop telling people that mommy wears diapers. FML
by diapermommy / 08/26/2009 at 10:17am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I corrected my mom in front of our family while she was ragging on my 12 year old cousin who got a piercing. She said, "You don't understand you don't have kids, but on the other hand you probably never will!" I have Polycystic ovary syndrome, she is right, I probably never will. FML
by fannyfitel123 / 08/24/2009 at 12:43pm / United States (Maryland) / Health
Today, I almost got married. After the elaborate and very expensive wedding, my "husband" decided he did not want to sign the marriage license because he wasn't sure if he really wanted to settle down after all. FML
by singleagain / 08/24/2009 at 1:16am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, my boyfriend was complaining of a scorpion sting on his leg. I told him to stop whining and get over it. Later, as I went to sleep, I felt a sharp pain in my arm. As I flipped on the light, I saw a scorpion crawling over the blankets. Now my entire arm is numb and I can't stop crying. FML
by Anonymous / 08/10/2009 at 11:18pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up in my friend's living room after our sleepover. I heard her hot older brother and his friends in the kitchen. Feeling confident, I exposed my midriff a little bit just to give them a peek. They groaned and threw a blanket over me. FML
by Anonymous / 08/08/2009 at 7:49am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, a very good friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said, "Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" When I sat back down, I saw tears in his eyes, and he said, "You've made me the happiest man alive" as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML
by dundundadumb / 08/06/2009 at 5:25pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/06/2009 at 2:13am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a bar with my friends for my 19th birthday when I saw my dad grinding some chick that was not my mom. I confronted him and told him I was telling mom. He then pointed across the bar to my mom with another man. I just found out my parents are swingers. FML
by myparentsarehoes / 08/03/2009 at 12:33pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/30/2009 at 5:23am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I saw this cute girl at a bar and decided to go and chat her up. After charming her with my usual crap for a while, I told her she was really pretty and asked for her number. She replied "You asshole, I met you here a year ago and gave you my number, and you never called me." FML
by Anonymous / 07/28/2009 at 6:55am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to dress up a little to go out to the bar. I put on a nice shirt, some leggings and heels. When I walked out the door my dad said that I looked like a whore. When I got to my boyfriends house I told him what my dad had said and he replied "I'd have to agree with him." FML
by Anonymous / 07/22/2009 at 2:41pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the gym running with intensity on the treadmill. As I was working out, I noticed a few guys behind me staring at me. I figured they were checking me out because I was losing some weight and looking better. Turns out they were betting on how much longer "Fat Ass" could last. FML
by fatgirl4 / 07/20/2009 at 7:31pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I was cooking dinner when I set off the fire alarm in my flat building. The neighbour from… Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I… Today, my live in boyfriend has been giving me the silent treatment for the last three days because…