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mhterp90's favorite FMLs
by whatthefuck / 12/27/2015 at 6:22pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
by BahHumbug / 12/27/2015 at 12:18am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally stood up to the guy who's been bullying me for the last 2 years. Even though he's been caught in the act several times, he never gets punished, so I figured I'd get away with gut-punching him. Nope. An hour later, I was suspended from school. FML
by Anonymous / 10/30/2015 at 6:22pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/14/2015 at 9:45am / United States (Arizona) / Love
Today, the guy I've been seeing bought me a nice bottle of wine and cooked dinner for me. Later, we started having sex for the first time. All was going well until he ran to the bathroom mid-sex and I had to listen to him with explosive diarrhea. The worst part is, he wanted to keep going after. FML
by westie732 / 09/09/2015 at 10:44pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I told my boyfriend about how I'm self-conscious about my B-cup breasts. About 20 minutes later, he pointed to another girl with a small chest and said, "See, you're not the only one with small tits!" FML
by Anonymous / 09/08/2015 at 6:33pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
by ManderDander / 09/05/2015 at 2:48pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML
by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 8:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 7:01pm / United States (West Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML
by Anonymous / 07/19/2015 at 12:36am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, while trying to score a date, I almost made a girl pass out. No, I didn't try to chloroform this one. I just came across as so pathetic that she laughed hard enough to have an asthma attack. FML
by Anonymous / 07/18/2015 at 11:45pm / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Miscellaneous
Today, I lost my virginity. The most memorable aspect of it wasn't the fact that my boyfriend finished after two thrusts, but rather the fact that he first said, "The pilot has entered the cockpit." FML
by henhouse / 07/18/2015 at 7:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by Razz / 07/15/2015 at 6:02pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML
by Anonymous / 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML
by stillhungry / 06/27/2015 at 2:37pm / United States (California) / Love