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mdmenchaca's favorite FMLs
by LogicalMolly / 12/13/2011 at 12:16am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
Today, I walked out of the store, car keys in hand, only to discover my car was missing. After a frantic search, I started to hyperventilate and a nearly had a full-blown panic attack. Then I remembered I walked to the store. I am an idiot. FML
by picklemonger / 12/08/2011 at 2:58pm / Canada / Transportation
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
by bizzyizzy0121 / 11/21/2011 at 1:28am / United States / Miscellaneous
by lababy / 11/15/2011 at 12:20pm / United States / Intimacy
by Margo / 11/15/2011 at 10:16am / United States (Connecticut) / Kids
Today, a kid came trick or treating to my house. When I told him Halloween was nearly two weeks ago, his reaction was to savagely kick me in the shin and run off screaming obscenities. This is the same kid who broke down in tears when I gave him candy on the real Halloween. FML
by Username / 11/11/2011 at 9:04pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend threatened to leave me if I didn't follow her latest fad of becoming a goth, which involves dressing like an undertaker's haunted hearse and putting on eyeliner. Last week she was into Reggae and beanie hats. FML
by Anonymous / 11/09/2011 at 7:27am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, after holding it in for hours, I finally managed to run to the bathroom for a pee. I thought it was impossible for rats to climb up the sewer pipes and into the toilet, but apparently I was wrong. FML
by Anonymous / 11/08/2011 at 12:20pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals
by fmlifer / 11/04/2011 at 12:29am / United States (California) / Love
by EunJung / 11/03/2011 at 8:16pm / United States / Work
by Nicole557 / 11/03/2011 at 6:56am / United States / Animals
Today, I came home after a short trip. Walking through the door, an overpowering smell indicated that in my rush to leave I'd forgotten to bring the cat litter tray indoors. The place was covered in cat urine. It was as if I'd created a cycling ecosystem of evaporated urine turning into urine rain-clouds. FML
by Anonymous / 11/03/2011 at 1:18am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals
Today, I had to tell all the trick-or-treaters that I'd run out of candy. I'd actually bought about $50 worth of candy, but managed to eat all of it by myself, sitting alone in my apartment, exactly like last year. FML
by candice / 11/01/2011 at 5:09am / Reserved / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/31/2011 at 8:36pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, my mom accidentally hit my dog. She didn't see him and she felt so bad. She started cuddling… Today, I had sex with a guy I had wanted for awhile. Or I think it counts as sex. Really, I thought… Today, after spending the week with my parents, my daughter came home so ill I had to take her to…
- Today, because I’m on my period, I asked my boyfriend to turn around so I could change my clothes.… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call…