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mcmuffinman1

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mcmuffinman1

1Fucked!

mcmuffinman1
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 18 November 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 684
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About mcmuffinman1 : Just graduated with a BS in Math.
I'm a magician, tutor, and automated trading software developer. Okay, so I'm a little strange...
I know origami, make balloon animals, and like to laugh more than anything. Okay, I'm more than just a little strange...
I think that there is nothing better in life than laughing! Anyone else with me?

mcmuffinman1's page activity

Visits<b>laurenhem</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 1:48pm<b>hiitisbrooke</b> - the 08/14/2015 at 4:07am<b>Emi1y</b> - the 08/07/2015 at 10:10pm<b>MissEmma</b> - the 08/07/2015 at 4:35pm<b>annarcheer</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 10:18am<b>ProximityToDeath</b> - the 08/05/2015 at 6:24pm<b>fadiuj</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 4:56am<b>januswraith6</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 12:23am<b>ahason1</b> - the 07/11/2015 at 11:02pm<b>infinitemonkey</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 4:06am<b>Bluekaren16</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 7:46pm<b>tralulilulalala</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 4:29am<b>Steffi3</b> - the 05/23/2015 at 10:25am<b>Markovski</b> - the 05/22/2015 at 12:27am<b>sjkaz93</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 4:19pm<b>Tashie96</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 4:10am<b>sawapee</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 6:29pm<b>IndicaPaincakes</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 9:43pm

Fucked!<b>annarcheer</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 4:19pm

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mcmuffinman1's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

#21248352
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43629) - you deserved it (10434)

On 08/30/2014 at 7:56am - animals - by cat lady (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML

#21207892
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42448) - you deserved it (6269)

On 07/13/2014 at 12:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML

#21139954
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46379) - you deserved it (6796)

On 05/14/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by oh god. - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I'm moving. While packing, I realized I hadn't seen my cat in a few hours. I called her and realized she was inside one of the hundreds of boxes in my house. I accidentally packed my cat. FML

#21139824
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42335) - you deserved it (15831)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:43pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML

#21073315
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26653) - you deserved it (58581)

On 02/27/2014 at 4:46pm - misc - by well SHIT (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, at the bank where I work, I escorted a very short woman to her safe deposit box in the vault. I left her alone, knowing she could use the phone to call the reception when she was ready to leave. We later realised the phone was too high for her to reach. If glares could kill. FML

#21057082
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43387) - you deserved it (6922) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/11/2014 at 5:01am - work - by norina (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML

#20942769
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57923) - you deserved it (6041)

On 11/02/2013 at 5:10pm - kids - by unknown (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I bought a live lobster to have for dinner. When my four year old daughter discovered it in the cooler, she thanked me incessantly for finally getting her a pet. She now won't let "Mr. Shelly" out of her sight. FML

#20883807
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47997) - you deserved it (8828)

On 09/16/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by meganmagee (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

#20875776
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49324) - you deserved it (4247)

On 09/10/2013 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I was in love with his best friend. He confessed that he was too. FML

#20848315
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46630) - you deserved it (22897)

On 08/21/2013 at 7:45pm - love - by me (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML

#20181345
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42410) - you deserved it (3728)

On 11/27/2012 at 4:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML

#20119371
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34247) - you deserved it (19361)

On 10/16/2012 at 8:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML

#20079475
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62628) - you deserved it (3327)

On 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm - intimacy - by identitychangeplease - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

#20068526
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48463) - you deserved it (4200)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, Child Protective Services came to my house, because my 7-year-old son told people at school that he was uncomfortable sleeping in his uncle's bed. I had to explain to them that the uncle in question died 2 years ago, and that's why it felt weird. FML

#19713901
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31396) - you deserved it (2375)

On 06/01/2012 at 3:02am - kids - by Anonymous - United States



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