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Offline (the 09/24/2014 at 2:54am) | Search for a member
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Today, after yeres of wonderful flying experiences, I boarded a flight and took mah seat only to fine a babby sitting in front of me, behind me, and to the right of me, and across the aisle from me !! All of whom decided to cry in unison !! It was a 9-hour flight !! FML
Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones!! They work well!! Too well!! My mom came home, unpackd her shopping, walkd upstairs, knockd on my door, opend my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing!! Fucking hell!! FML
as I got out the shower , my mom walked in to give me a towel , then quickly covered her eyes and said , "Woah , I almost saw your penis. Good things it's ridiculously small." I had friends over , and I'm pretty sure I'll hear about this 4 at least the next month. FML
TODAY... I ASKD MY DAD TO GIVE ME A HAIRCUT. AFTER 20 MINUTE OF ( FUCK )S AND ( SHIT )S... HE GAVE UP AND JUST SHAVD MY HEAD BALD. I PULL OFF THE LOOK SO BADLY THAT TWO PEOPLE I DON'T EVEN KNOW HAVE ALREADY TOLD ME I LOOK LIKE A PSYCHOPATH. REAL FML
Today , at father's funeral , they were playing the song from Phantom of the Opera where she sings about her lost father. Apparently the song organizer forgot to edit out the part where her romantic interest runs toward her and yells , "That... That THING is not yur father!" FML
Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife!! I threw a blue shell an it hit her!! She then refusd to speak to me fir three hours straight until right before bedtime when she calld me a bastard an told me to sleep on the couch!! FML
Today, I was waiting at a stop light in the left turn lane, when a homeles guy on the sidewalk walked up to car with a, ( Bet you can't hit me with a quarter ) sign. The lady on right decided to throw a quarter at him, but it missed an hit windshield. She yelled, ( Oh fuck! ) an drove away. FML
Yesterday I Puttd On A Porno, Trying To Unwind After A Bad Day. 10 Minutes In, I Was So Pissd Off With The Girl Constantly Repeating "You Like That? Yeah?" And The Cameraman's Obsession With The Guy's Asscrack That I Startd Yelling At The Screen. Now I'm More Stressd Than Ever. Mega FML
my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now think it's hilariou to flinch in public when I get near her and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
Friday 27 March 2015