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mattrd's favorite FMLs
Today, I found out via Instagram that my boyfriend didn't actually go to the Bahamas with his dad as he claimed. Not unless his dad lost weight, grew tits and long hair, and likes to make out with his son. They have no cellphone service, so I can't even call to break up with him. FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2013 at 12:33pm / Japan (Tokyo) / Love
Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML
by Never Going Back To The Doctor / 07/04/2013 at 3:03am / United States / Intimacy
by kittybad / 06/23/2013 at 1:05am / United States / Miscellaneous
by me / 05/05/2013 at 8:56pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by mattrd / 02/13/2013 at 4:01pm / United States / Kids
Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML
by Anonymous / 06/25/2012 at 11:53am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by hdgyfjdzdfg / 04/16/2012 at 2:53am / United States / Love
by mimi / 09/26/2011 at 10:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
by wtf / 06/09/2011 at 11:04am / United Kingdom (Edinburgh) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 7:44pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went shopping with a friend. She picked up a hundred dollars on the floor that somebody dropped. I told her, "I feel sorry for the retard who dropped the money." When I got home, I checked my purse and realized that I was missing a hundred dollars. FML
by Anonymous / 10/09/2010 at 5:27pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money
Today, I was watching my 7 year old daughter and her friend jump on our trampoline. I was really impressed by all the flips they were doing, and I told her "Hey! I can't even do that." To that her friend replied " Of course you can't. You're fat!" FML
by madeyoulaugh / 11/25/2009 at 9:43am / United States (Texas) / Kids
by riappp / 02/25/2009 at 10:31am / United States (New York) / Work
by crazyvulva9216 / 01/26/2009 at 8:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I hit a new low point in my life when I stole batteries from a toy at the daycare I work at,… Today, my intoxicated husband asked my very conservative parents how their sex life is now that all… Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a…