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mattrd's favorite FMLs
Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML
by Never Going Back To The Doctor / 07/04/2013 at 3:03am / United States / Intimacy
by kittybad / 06/23/2013 at 1:05am / United States / Miscellaneous
by me / 05/05/2013 at 8:56pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by mattrd / 02/13/2013 at 4:01pm / United States / Kids
Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML
by Anonymous / 06/25/2012 at 11:53am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by hdgyfjdzdfg / 04/16/2012 at 2:53am / United States / Love
by mimi / 09/26/2011 at 10:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
by wtf / 06/09/2011 at 11:04am / United Kingdom (Edinburgh) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 7:44pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went shopping with a friend. She picked up a hundred dollars on the floor that somebody dropped. I told her, "I feel sorry for the retard who dropped the money." When I got home, I checked my purse and realized that I was missing a hundred dollars. FML
by Anonymous / 10/09/2010 at 5:27pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money
Today, I was watching my 7 year old daughter and her friend jump on our trampoline. I was really impressed by all the flips they were doing, and I told her "Hey! I can't even do that." To that her friend replied " Of course you can't. You're fat!" FML
by madeyoulaugh / 11/25/2009 at 9:43am / United States (Texas) / Kids
by riappp / 02/25/2009 at 10:31am / United States (New York) / Work
by crazyvulva9216 / 01/26/2009 at 8:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, after spending more time than it was worth trying to get my dog to come down stairs with me,… Today, my boyfriend took a drug test. Not for a job, but because his mother insisted I drugged him.… Today, I accidentally locked my keys in my car but, I have a spare key in my wallet just in case.…
- Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, after seven months studying in Italy, I understood that the « Finocchio » nickname that my… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without…