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mattrd

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mattrd
  • Town/Country : Ephrata
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 22 February 1981 (33 years)
  • Number of visits : 746
  • Number of comments : 356
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 18 posted

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mattrd's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's house, and he was taking a shower. I had to take a crap real bad, but his apartment only has the one bathroom. I couldn't wait for him to finish, and ended having to shit in a plastic bag. FML

#21044466
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43231) - you deserved it (18766)

On 01/29/2014 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, a rumor was spread around that I was dating somebody. I confronted the person who everyone thought I was dating, and asked him about it. He also thought we were dating. FML

#20989946
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44451) - you deserved it (4884)

On 12/12/2013 at 6:27am - love - by Rumors - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I got my two-year-old's Halloween costume in the mail. I tried it on him to make sure it fit. He loves it so much that he is now having a complete meltdown because he wants to go trick-or-treating. He doesn't understand we only go trick-or-treating on Halloween. 23 more days to go. FML

Today, I found out via Instagram that my boyfriend didn't actually go to the Bahamas with his dad as he claimed. Not unless his dad lost weight, grew tits and long hair, and likes to make out with his son. They have no cellphone service, so I can't even call to break up with him. FML

#20815203
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51451) - you deserved it (3349)

On 08/01/2013 at 12:33pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan (Tokyo)

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

#20763013
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53077) - you deserved it (9595)

On 07/04/2013 at 3:03am - intimacy - by Never Going Back To The Doctor (woman) - United States

Today, my wife made me moist cat food burgers as a prank. I didnt have the heart to tell her that they tasted better than the ones she usually makes. FML

#20742017
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44035) - you deserved it (3573)

On 06/23/2013 at 1:05am - misc - by kittybad - United States

Today, I was making lunch, when my two-year-old ran up to me and handed me an empty bottle of baby powder. I soon realized I'd be spending the rest of my day cleaning the entire house. FML

Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML

#19844489
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16530) - you deserved it (1769)

On 06/25/2012 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like his grandma's house. FML

#19477089
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15880) - you deserved it (4136)

On 04/16/2012 at 2:53am - misc - by hdgyfjdzdfg (woman) - United States

Today, I shat a magnet. FML

#17843744
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10051) - you deserved it (27697)

On 09/26/2011 at 10:51pm - health - by mimi - United States (Illinois)

Today, I shat out a staple. FML

#16576766
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35141) - you deserved it (15378)

On 06/09/2011 at 11:04am - health - by wtf - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)

Today, I was told I look like Susan Boyle. FML

#13462690
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31362) - you deserved it (4921)

On 10/15/2010 at 7:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I farted in my cubicle thinking no one would smell it. Two seconds later, everyone came to my cubicle to wish me a happy birthday. FML

#132176
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19021) - you deserved it (35239)

On 02/25/2009 at 10:31am - misc - by riappp (woman) - United States (New York)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

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