mattishot

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Offline (the 02/01/2015 at 11:20pm)

mattishot

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 141
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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mattishot's page activity

Visits<b>anonymous188</b> - the 05/01/2014 at 9:19am<b>omfgorlaith</b> - the 04/12/2014 at 9:39pm<b>atl904</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 10:15pm<b>scarman</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 10:43pm

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Beginner

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You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

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mattishot's favorite FMLs

Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2014 at 5:19pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I was babysitting a little girl. I let her play with a box of old Star Wars toys to keep her occupied while I quickly went to use the bathroom, and when I returned she was making the 15 or so figures have a massive orgy, sex sounds included. FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2014 at 6:46pm / United States (Kentucky) / Kids

Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2014 at 6:20pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML

by ldrik1 / 06/11/2014 at 4:36pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

by god / 04/29/2014 at 2:48pm / United Kingdom (West Lothian) / Miscellaneous

Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job, she kept making sexual noises throughout. After I finished, she hugged me and went on her way. I really need a new job. FML

by ohdear. / 03/29/2014 at 7:07pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work

Today, my mother took me to go and see my grandfather, who I hadn't seen since I was 4. The first thing he said to me was, "Pfwoarr, look at those tits." FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2014 at 5:34am / Australia / Intimacy