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Offline (the 08/03/2015 at 9:01pm)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 9 September 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 367
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About maryiam99 : 🌹

maryiam99's page activity

Visits<b>Vitani_Verci</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 7:05pm<b>xKG33x</b> - the 12/12/2015 at 10:54pm<b>L_1781</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 5:42am<b>bulletproof098</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 2:01pm<b>PixelKat</b> - the 09/08/2015 at 10:11pm<b>Nolimit2217</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 9:12am<b>DolphinLaser23</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 11:32pm<b>MattBenid</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 10:05am<b>iAmPaul</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 10:50pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 9:06pm<b>ZY1431</b> - the 06/20/2014 at 8:20am<b>HowieDoIt</b> - the 04/01/2014 at 3:02pm

Fucked!<b>Vitani_Verci</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 1:05am<b>DolphinLaser23</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 5:29am<b>iAmPaul</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 4:51am

maryiam99's FML badges

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maryiam99's favorite FMLs

Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her: "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home with no shopping. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2015 at 2:16pm / Kids

Today, a creepy old guy kept hitting on me in line at Subway. I got scared and told him to back off because my dad was waiting for me outside. He replied that he wouldn't object to a three-way. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2015 at 11:05am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

by OnlyAvailableID / 02/08/2015 at 3:35am / Australia / Animals

Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML

by Anonymous / 02/07/2015 at 9:33am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom called me an attention seeker and threw a bitch fit because my cat "decided" to die on her birthday. FML

by juliette / 02/07/2015 at 12:13am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, in a desperate attempt to get fired, I sent a sexual love letter to my boss. We're going on our first date tomorrow. FML

by fucked / 02/06/2015 at 3:06am / Singapore / Work

Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML

by ZAnon / 02/06/2015 at 2:06am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, my fiancée told me about her new diet. Apparently, she is only going to drink water and tan in a tanning bed so she can photosynthesise. She thinks this will help her lose weight, since she doesn't have to eat anything. I'm dating a dumbass. FML

by lucas90 / 02/04/2015 at 4:42pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at work, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head on my cash register. A second later, I heard roaring laughter from the security room, followed by someone saying to play it back. I'd almost convinced myself it wasn't about me, when one of the guys came out and gave me a thumb up. FML

by fxck / 02/04/2015 at 2:28pm / Work

Today, my boyfriend of 5 days proposed to me at the mall. FML

by Anonymous / 02/04/2015 at 11:06am / Netherlands / Love

Today, after a heavy make-out session, my boyfriend and I discovered his lips bruise really easily. This wouldn't be a problem except he's been telling people I hit him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

by Grrrreat / 02/04/2015 at 10:16am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy

Today, my science teacher decided not to recommend me for an honors science class for next year. The reason? Last week, I made the mistake of asking whether spray tans give vitamins in the same way as the sun. FML

by Anonymous / 02/03/2015 at 10:53pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, I beat my boyfriend in a video game. He promptly dumped me and told me to leave. FML

by I warned him / 12/18/2014 at 9:39pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my boyfriend jokingly said that if I didn't pass my exam, he wouldn't have sex with me for a month. I failed it, and now he thinks I did it on purpose. FML

by peteto818 / 12/18/2014 at 12:59pm / Bulgaria (Pernik) / Love

Today, I went out to a bar with some of my friends. They're all in committed relationships, but every single one of them got hit on. I'm single, and yet again, nobody even said hi to me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2014 at 10:34am / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Love