About martin8337 : 53
Message me if you like.
Give a fuck, get a fuck.
About martin8337 : 53
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martin8337's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm / United States / Health
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
by Grant / 01/10/2013 at 7:51pm / United States / Kids
Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML
by billiams15 / 05/06/2012 at 5:57pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by Anonymous / 08/08/2011 at 3:16am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by Lindsay / 02/07/2011 at 12:41pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
by pumpkinlover89 / 03/27/2010 at 4:26am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Dog fart / 02/13/2010 at 11:08am / United States / Animals
by tammy999 / 01/31/2010 at 1:44am / United States (Georgia) / Love
by Jumja / 01/15/2010 at 6:37am / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Love
by Laura_2118 / 12/12/2009 at 2:28am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
Today, a doctor examined my wrist, which is completely swollen and painful. He diagnosed a case of tendonitis and asked me, "Do you use this hand for a particular sort of sport?" I just smiled like a twit. FML
by Anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 4:24pm / United Kingdom (London) / Health
Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML
by benander / 09/15/2009 at 5:14pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer I saw her battery was flat so I said "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said "Not yet." FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2009 at 5:58am / New Zealand (Otago) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an…
- Today, my boyfriend posted a screenshot from a porno on my Facebook, because the girl in it looked… Today, my boyfriend discovered how to make me queef on demand when he has his fingers inside me. I… Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me.…