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martin8337

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martin8337

91Fucked!

martin8337martin8337
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3930
  • Number of comments : 1254
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About martin8337 : 52
Message me if you like.
Give a fuck, get a fuck.

martin8337's page activity

Visits<b>Oihana</b> - 7 hours ago<b>mintae</b> - yesterday at 1:03pm<b>cat4651</b> - yesterday at 10:47am<b>parrchristianna</b> - yesterday at 5:44am<b>saffy66</b> - yesterday at 9:03pm<b>NeverAsPlanned</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 4:09pm<b>Life_sucksXx</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 2:47pm<b>Acc16</b> - the 07/29/2015 at 10:59am<b>Umbraelux</b> - the 07/29/2015 at 4:51am<b>Semperfi92340</b> - the 07/29/2015 at 3:43am<b>cupcakegirl0424</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 8:58pm<b>ahlissuh</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 12:33am<b>Miss_Mandi</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 8:13pm<b>MrsJellyBean</b> - the 07/23/2015 at 6:40pm<b>Ozzien</b> - the 07/23/2015 at 9:55am<b>cuculagirl</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 3:09am<b>BunchieRules</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 11:05pm<b>EvilTurtle</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 11:00pm

Fucked!<b>MrsJellyBean</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 12:40am<b>Umbraelux</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 12:12pm<b>EvilTurtle</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 5:00am<b>cupcakegirl0424</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 4:02pm<b>TheMeanwhile</b> - the 07/10/2015 at 7:24pm<b>nightfall8705</b> - the 06/22/2015 at 9:41pm<b>Miss_Mandi</b> - the 06/20/2015 at 2:58am<b>Kikiers21042</b> - the 06/20/2015 at 2:22am<b>2nd</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 8:34pm<b>moontrimmer</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 10:27am<b>AndyClara</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 8:42am<b>YBae</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 2:36am<b>Cautocracy</b> - the 05/30/2015 at 7:58am<b>MissBoo111</b> - the 05/27/2015 at 6:59pm<b>firefighterwife</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 8:51pm<b>fatiezzhm</b> - the 05/20/2015 at 5:54pm<b>psychopolarbear</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 4:20am<b>jessie85678</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 7:56pm

martin8337's FML badges

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

See all of martin8337's badges

martin8337's favorite FMLs

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47632) - you deserved it (4902)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

#20562846
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84352) - you deserved it (8728)

On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML

#20452458
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32241) - you deserved it (2739)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:51pm - kids - by Grant - United States

Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML

#19583210
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18617) - you deserved it (3747)

On 05/06/2012 at 5:57pm - health - by billiams15 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered the reason my favorite stick of deodorant hasn't smelled right for the past two weeks. My dad uses it on his butt crack and balls "to clean up the stank". FML

#17404409
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52805) - you deserved it (3520)

On 08/08/2011 at 3:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I flirted with a guy for ten minutes before realizing I was sitting between him and his girlfriend. FML

#14881953
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11062) - you deserved it (38752)

On 02/07/2011 at 12:41pm - love - by Lindsay (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML

#9416886
396 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49240) - you deserved it (9637)

On 03/27/2010 at 4:26am - intimacy - by pumpkinlover89 - United States (California)

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

#8202300
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39459) - you deserved it (3466)

On 02/13/2010 at 11:08am - animals - by Dog fart - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend bumped into me at McDonald's. I was sitting alone at a table with a big mac, two large fries, a large drink and 1 case of chicken nuggets. FML

#7732342
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22925) - you deserved it (34748)

On 01/31/2010 at 1:44am - love - by tammy999 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out my boyfriends' mother has invented a new kind of cake and named it after me: not because it's delicious, but because of the amount of fat in it. FML

#7354557
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32042) - you deserved it (5346)

On 01/15/2010 at 6:37am - love - by Jumja (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, my boyfriend gave me my first compliment in months. Apparently my body spray makes me smell like a stripper. He then asked me if he could "park the beef bus in tuna town". FML

#6718371
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21928) - you deserved it (3969)

On 12/12/2009 at 2:28am - intimacy - by Laura_2118 (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, a doctor examined my wrist, which is completely swollen and painful. He diagnosed a case of tendonitis and asked me, "Do you use this hand for a particular sort of sport?" I just smiled like a twit. FML

#6480683
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8663) - you deserved it (43380)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:24pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML

#5276065
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62077) - you deserved it (3564)

On 09/15/2009 at 5:14pm - intimacy - by benander (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer I saw her battery was flat so I said "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said "Not yet." FML

#5144800
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14242) - you deserved it (50278)

On 09/09/2009 at 5:58am - misc - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Otago)

Today, I realized I can hold a pencil in my fat rolls. FML

#4923649
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16486) - you deserved it (57486)

On 08/30/2009 at 3:12am - health - by tomchuq (man) - United States (Alabama)



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