About martin8337 : 53
Message me if you like.
Give a fuck, get a fuck.
About martin8337 : 53
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One more and it's business time
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You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
martin8337's favorite FMLs
Today, on my way to Burger King I got into a heated discussion with my wife about our cats. We have 15 rescues, and I've reached my limit. Guess what came running up to my car while waiting in the drive-through. We named him Pickles. FML
by cat whisperer / 03/20/2014 at 12:31am / United States / Animals
by zamwow / 12/20/2013 at 6:36pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by Jack / 11/30/2013 at 3:31am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, while my hometown mayor becomes a world-famous crackhead and douche-bag, here in the UK it has come to this: when people hear my accent and ask me if I'm American, it's less embarrassing just to say, "Yeah", rather than admit I'm Canadian. FML
by unproud / 11/15/2013 at 2:05am / United Kingdom (Luton) / Miscellaneous
by BioChickthcfy / 11/13/2013 at 5:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
by KittyKat / 11/03/2013 at 9:22am / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Kids
Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML
by Anonymous / 10/27/2013 at 12:08pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/25/2013 at 5:39pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by Teiu88 / 10/20/2013 at 10:34am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by oink oink... / 10/12/2013 at 9:19am / United States (Texas) / Love
by Cereal_mistress / 10/07/2013 at 2:54pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML
by -____- / 10/05/2013 at 5:28pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I was training at work on proper techniques of physical restraint. As my coworker was practicing on me, I realized this was the first time I've had physical contact with a man in years. I'm ashamed to admit how good it felt to feel his weight pressed into my back as I pretended to resist. FML
by Anonymous / 10/04/2013 at 1:04am / United States (Utah) / Love
by A.Summers / 09/30/2013 at 6:41pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Intimacy
- Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat… Today, while flicking my bean, I was thinking about my boyfriend who moved to California last week.… Today, while in bed with my boyfriend of 2 years, he mentioned what it would be like if he had sex…