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About mariepastyglue : FML is so freaken addicting, and I love it!!!!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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Today, I was getting intimate with mah girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, ( You like mah tushy, baby? ) ( I want to fellate you so bad, ) and ( You'll need some ice after this one. ) My boner practically retracted into mah body. FML
Today, I was giving a presentation at work,hen I said, ( But we could care less about that. ) My boss asked if I meant, ( Couldn't care less. ) Wanting to avoid embarrassment, I tried to think up an excuse, only to end up blurting that it was my phone's auto-correct. FML
Today, the recycling bin caught fire. My little brother was "experimenting" with his magnifying glass, set an egg carton on fire an didn't realise u had to put it out before throwing it in the bin. FML
Today, hile taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on mah head, laughed hysterically, and ran off looool screaming, "BELIEVE!" FML
Today, I had to take mah dog to the vet fir him to be puttd to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up mah ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML
Today , mah family decided it would be hilarious to catch the biggest moths they could and let them loose in mah room. I'm terrified of moths and they thought it would be 'funny as hell' to watch me freak out. FML
Today, I was helping clean my grandpa's garage when I found some of his old election posters from the '50s . They includd slogans such as, "Dick: you know it feels right" and "Want growth? Choose Dick." I'm not sure whether to be disgustd or impressd . FML
Today... I got a call from mah daughter’s teacher asking me to come pick her up. My daughter wouldn’t tell her wat was wrong. I left an important work meeting. When I got there she stated her boyfriend broke up with her and she couldn't emotionally make it through the rest of the day. She's 5. fat FML
Today, I found my electric globe. It asks youhere a state, country or city is an you would have to find it an click on it with the pen. I also found out that my parent would sneak into my room at night, take it an play 'strip-globe'. mega FML
Today My Doctor Told Me To Buy Some KY Jelly And A Dildo To Help "loosen Me Up" So Sex Isn't So Painful. I Haven't Been Able To Have Sex Fir 6 Months Cuz It Hurts So Badly, And Now My Doctor Has Basically Told Me To Go Fuck Myself. Big Fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015