About manateesarecool : I like manatees.
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manateesarecool's favorite FMLs
Today, I accidentally Googled "best types of incest" instead of "best types of incense" on the family computer. The parental controls went nuts. I'm now grounded, and my parents are convinced I need psychiatric help. FML
by Anonymous / 10/17/2015 at 9:17am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, even after explaining to my boyfriend that I was self conscious about my breasts because they're slightly misshaped, he still persisted with begging me for a tit pic, saying he would still see me as beautiful. I gave in and sent one. He responded with "LOL WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSSSEE." FML
by YourAverageFckUp / 08/22/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/12/2015 at 1:50pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 08/11/2015 at 10:23pm / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Intimacy
Today, in the second week of August, hell has come to earth; my mom has been playing Christmas music all afternoon and is already searching online for decorations. I hope she buys a length of rope to go with them, because I've already given up on life. FML
by brbkillingmyself / 08/08/2015 at 6:52pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by strangely / 07/24/2015 at 8:12pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I watched a young shop assistant try her hardest to flirt with my 20-year-old son. When he continued to be totally oblivious, she outright invited him back to her flat. When he asked, "What for?" a piece of my soul died at how completely I have failed as a father. FML
by anonymous / 07/16/2015 at 6:21pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML
by alison / 07/04/2015 at 1:02am / United States / Intimacy
Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML
by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" / 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by YuckyDuckyLucky / 06/03/2015 at 1:36pm / Norway (Oslo) / Health
Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML
by Anonymous / 05/29/2015 at 11:51pm / Australia / Kids
by hendrixisgod86 / 05/15/2015 at 2:48pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation
Today, my little sister filled the huge house I spent over a week building in Minecraft with TNT. She then demanded I give her all the money in my wallet, or she'd blow it all up. She's now $86.25 richer, and my parents think it's too hilarious to make her give me my money back. FML
by Anonymous / 04/24/2015 at 11:23pm / United States / Money
by NoCnNoJustice / 04/17/2015 at 9:49am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 2Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…