maj3st1cllama

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Offline (the 12/25/2014 at 5:11am)

maj3st1cllama

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 458
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About maj3st1cllama : hey there I'm kaley...not much to put here. I'm a nerd. I like videogames and books. so much that I'm writing one. I'm very straightforward and I love Matthew. the end

maj3st1cllama's page activity

Visits<b>delfino1604</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 12:28am<b>yenze</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 4:24pm<b>xTwinkies1</b> - the 01/15/2015 at 11:36am<b>annarcheer</b> - the 01/14/2015 at 11:33pm<b>youngindian</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 11:28pm<b>kyranstar</b> - the 01/07/2015 at 4:21pm<b>FoxHunt9119</b> - the 01/05/2015 at 9:19pm<b>aclark2523</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 9:31pm<b>keyface5</b> - the 12/21/2014 at 2:10am<b>sevazilla</b> - the 12/17/2014 at 10:19pm<b>Greions</b> - the 12/12/2014 at 6:23pm<b>mk1hate1my1job1</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 3:16pm<b>LilTiki559</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 12:27pm<b>katebond</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 12:11pm<b>shibeep</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 10:01am<b>Murilirum</b> - the 11/23/2014 at 6:51pm<b>missmandersxoxo</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 1:23am<b>HarrisonVR</b> - the 03/29/2014 at 10:59pm

maj3st1cllama's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of maj3st1cllama's badges

maj3st1cllama's favorite FMLs

Today, on a first date with a guy, I spilled ice cream all over my pants. He bought me some more, and as I was thanking him, he said, "You've never had a guy treat you right, have you?" I said no and started crying. FML

by Soulara89 / 12/22/2014 at 8:28pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

by Blood on my hands / 08/07/2013 at 1:40am / United States / Animals

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2013 at 3:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured a cup of water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie telling the office I was dead, and the rest of the class had disappeared. FML

by kindergarten teacher / 03/23/2013 at 9:25am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML

by Anonymous / 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, someone painted the "Dark Mark" on the side of my car. It won't come off and my kids refuse to get in because it means "a wizard died in there." FML

by spellbound / 12/19/2012 at 9:59am / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

by thebeachisthatway / 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, while working at the daycare, I had to clean the entire place. During the next four hours, I scooped up three human teeth, a rotten log of shit, a tire iron, a condom wrapper, and a yogurt that expired in 2003. I only cleaned the place a week ago. FML

by Skidmark Sally / 10/07/2012 at 5:41pm / United States (New Mexico) / Kids

Today, while working at the daycare, I had to clean the entire place. During the next four hours, I scooped up three human teeth, a rotten log of shit, a tire iron, a condom wrapper, and a yogurt that expired in 2003. I only cleaned the place a week ago. FML

by Skidmark Sally / 10/07/2012 at 5:41pm / United States (New Mexico) / Kids

Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML

by SadDad / 09/22/2012 at 2:11pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I was called into my son's school because he had got into a fist-fight with another pupil and I had to take him home. He clammed up about the reason behind the fight, until I finally managed to coax it out of him: the other kid is in "Hufflepuff" and he's in "Ravenclaw." FML

by PissOffPottermore / 09/13/2012 at 10:31am / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML

by AGeeksWife / 09/12/2012 at 3:03am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2012 at 7:08pm / Intimacy

Today, I was driving my little sister to school. She really didn't wanna go and was throwing a tantrum in the car. When we stopped at a red light, my sister notices a police man giving a ticket to another driver. She rolled down her window and screamed "Help me! I'm being kidnapped by a murderer!" FML

by Amara1717 / 08/19/2009 at 12:22am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

by Iman / 05/04/2009 at 2:12am / United States (California) / Love