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mahughes's favorite FMLs
Today, after not going out in over a year, I finally agreed to go out with some friends. I had a lot of fun and was very happy, up until when I was on my way back home and I noticed my car's sunroof had been stolen. FML
by Pandafriend / 01/24/2016 at 1:42pm / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Transportation
by yupthissucks / 04/13/2015 at 5:00am / United States (Georgia) / Transportation
by Milked Richard / 02/05/2015 at 11:14pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML
by whoops.. / 01/15/2015 at 10:15pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML
by Anonymous / 08/19/2014 at 5:54pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/11/2014 at 8:34pm / United States (Indiana) / Love
Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML
by donutsex / 08/05/2014 at 12:48pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Ow / 04/18/2014 at 7:09am / United States (Arizona) / Health
by Anonymous / 02/17/2014 at 12:43pm / United States (Illinois) / Money
Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I yelled from the bathroom for my parents to bring me some toilet paper. My dad slipped one tiny piece of toilet paper under the door and boomed, "THE FINAL TEST." FML
by airhead2015 / 02/12/2014 at 12:57pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part-way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Go, Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML
by prochainefois / 01/31/2014 at 4:05pm / Intimacy
Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML
by MM / 01/21/2014 at 6:26pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML
by Anonymous / 12/31/2013 at 1:22pm / United States (Alabama) / Work
Today, I got a new cell phone number and sent a text to my wife. Playing around, I said, "Hey sexy are you alone yet? I'm ready to come over." She responded with, "Hey, yeah he is at work - did you get a new number?" FML
by PapaW / 11/01/2013 at 3:01am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
- Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw… Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it… Today, my boyfriend told me about this guy who makes balloon animals with his penis. My boyfriend…
- Today, I took the biggest shit ever. Problem: I'm in Thailand where the sewage system really sucks,… Today, i went in for my first day of physical therapy. As I was explaining to the doctor that I had… Today was my new bosses first day in the office. I had my girlfriend make him some brownies. When…