About maddiiee00 : All you need to know is that I'm a female residing on the planet Earth. And I like skyrim a lot.
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maddiiee00's favorite FMLs
Today, my 26-year-old boyfriend came to my apartment to spend the night for the first time. He brought a "blankie" that he insisted was the only thing that could help him sleep. That "blankie" was his ex-girlfriend's silk nightgown. FML
by iwearsilkgownstoeatwaffles / 08/12/2013 at 10:30am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my house was broken into. After we called the police, my dad started calling himself Sherlock Holmes and talking in a British accent. He insists on calling me Watson. He is going around the neighborhood acting like Sherlock, investigating stuff. He won't stop. FML
by MarissaKayleen / 08/12/2013 at 6:06am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 14-year-old daughter convinced my son that when he was born, he was actually born as a girl, but we wanted a boy so bad we had his gender changed. Now he wants to change back to a girl because now he doesn't feel right as a boy. Last year, she got her other brother to cross dress. FML
by mydaughterisdisturbed / 08/11/2013 at 8:58pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids
Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML
by Anonymous / 08/11/2013 at 2:11pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health
Today, my girlfriend discovered subliminal messaging. She thought that whispering "you want to shave your beard" under her breath while I'm not looking at her, then denying ever saying it, would eventually make me shave my alleged upper-lip hair FML
by -__- / 08/11/2013 at 12:26pm / Greece (Attiki) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was hanging out with a cute girl, I slapped her ass playfully. She told me that she was going to get me back. She slapped my ass later that night unexpectedly while I was holding in a huge fart... It came out. FML
by ass slap / 08/11/2013 at 11:35am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by ew / 08/11/2013 at 9:09am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, after swimming in the pool, I went into the shower. Little did I know that my niece was hiding in there. She excitedly yelled "I saw your boobs!" Now my nephew won't stop crying because he didn't get to see them as well. FML
by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 8:04pm / United States (Nevada) / Kids
Today, my mother-in-law yelled from across the house for me to come quickly. She sounded frantic, so I rushed and asked what was wrong. She said, "Nothing." and that she just wanted to remind me that she hates my guts. She'll be living here with me and my wife for the next two months. FML
by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 5:30pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous
Today, my little brother told me to give him my phone so he could play a game on it. I said no, because I was taking a call from a friend at the time. He then walked over to the wall, headbutted it, burst into tears, then told my parents that I punched him. They believed him. FML
by rachel / 08/10/2013 at 4:56pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Kids
Today, I took my driving test. As I was about to turn at a green light, a car sped toward us from the other direction, running a red light. My instructor failed me because I stopped to avoid getting rammed. Apparently I should have kept going, because it was my right of way. FML
by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 3:28pm / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation
Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML
by his word vs mine = me suspended / 08/10/2013 at 2:41pm / United Kingdom (Stockport) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 12:02am / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/09/2013 at 7:29pm / Switzerland / Health
Today, I let a friend read a draft of the novel I'm writing. She claimed the antagonist is blatantly based on her, and threatened to sue me if I don't pay her royalties. The antagonist is an ancient, insane goblin witch. I guess I see now how this confusion could arise. FML
by pardon my English :$ / 08/09/2013 at 6:53pm / France / Work
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that…