Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 8697
  • Number of comments : 69
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About lyssgross : Hey! I'm Lyss, nice to meetcha! I love meeting people, do message me.
I have a wonderful boyfriend, a great family, and I'm really into music. Actually I just got my record deal signed sealed and delivered! I can be a grammar natzi, but on this site I'm here because of my addiction to FML posts. Some will get a random message from me, because I love meeting new people! I love perdix and docbastard, and the one with the Harry potter muggle rainbow thingy as their profile pic. Dang, I need to add some commas. Well, I sing country music and should probably go to bed. It's 3 am. Anyway, have a nifty day!

lyssgross's page activity

Visits<b>UserError94</b> - 2 hours ago<b>zanoty</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 4:04pm<b>Drakulya696</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 4:09pm<b>Caro97songs</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 8:30am<b>Mynamewontfi</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 9:52pm<b>Coland</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 4:57pm<b>Pikathedoge</b> - the 05/28/2015 at 9:59pm<b>sethsmith11</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 1:23pm<b>rainbowsandshit1</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 11:25pm<b>khloelpcn</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 12:38pm<b>Aiden89</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 6:31pm<b>SuperDani</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 1:08pm<b>kirstenmartin</b> - the 03/30/2015 at 6:02am<b>Tthug</b> - the 02/14/2015 at 12:10am<b>EnigMind</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 4:31am<b>polarbearpiss</b> - the 11/14/2014 at 9:27am<b>frozenlover218</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 10:16am<b>soovyl</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 7:43am

Fucked!<b>SampleSext</b> - the 10/20/2014 at 5:14am<b>Mr_Saikaly</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 3:59pm

lyssgross's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of lyssgross's badges

lyssgross's favorite FMLs

Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML


I agree, your life sucks (58118) - you deserved it (29357)

On 07/21/2009 at 3:45pm - intimacy - by uh-oh (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (47962) - you deserved it (6687)

On 07/17/2009 at 6:02pm - kids - by Divorcemenow (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I realized my new kitten is the spawn of the devil. It decided to go get itself stuck in a tree. I tried to climb up to rescue it. But it kept climbing higher. I was about to grab the cat when I fell. The cat then jumped down and started purring. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43981) - you deserved it (8480)

On 07/13/2009 at 11:03pm - animals - by WearingOff (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really hit it off with. Then he admitted that he was a recovering heroin addict and had to cut our date short to go to the methadone clinic. When I got home, I realized that my wallet was missing $40. I think he lied about the "recovering" part. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45158) - you deserved it (4754)

On 07/12/2009 at 9:29am - love - by vividrabbit (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, a friend of mine told me that he knew I was into kinky sex, "like getting tied up." I just stared at him, spluttering simple question words and wondering how on earth he could possibly know that about me. I then realized that he had been joking. Too late. FML


I agree, your life sucks (47059) - you deserved it (19732)

On 07/12/2009 at 2:05am - intimacy - by (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my friend and I decided to get bikini waxes. Afterwards, the women who did the waxing told my friend it was $30 for her wax. Then, in front of the whole salon, the women points at me and says, "You! You so hairy- $35!". FML


I agree, your life sucks (58792) - you deserved it (8897)

On 07/11/2009 at 4:11pm - health - by waxinghorror (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML


I agree, your life sucks (72200) - you deserved it (5327)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm - animals - by RachelDC (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I went to my 7 year old son's school for a conference with his teacher. When I got there, the teacher said "she adored me for who and what I am". I was puzzled. Turns out my son told his class that I am a "lesbian American." Wrong. I'm Lebanese-American. FML


I agree, your life sucks (57238) - you deserved it (3641)

On 06/30/2009 at 12:17pm - kids - by lebanesewoman (woman) - Hong Kong

Today, I couldn't sleep and in the process of tossing and turning I did something very painful to my back. I spent 4 years in the marine corps infantry, but laying in a bed kicks my ass. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42321) - you deserved it (4805)

On 06/23/2009 at 1:16am - health - by usmcpain (man) - United States

Today, I helped my grandparents carry luggage to their hotel room, where they're staying the night tonight after my wedding reception. Their room is 203. Mine is 201. Their room shares a wall with my honeymoon suite. My grandparents are going to hear me consummate my marriage. FML


I agree, your life sucks (54454) - you deserved it (5707)

On 06/20/2009 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by groom (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML


I agree, your life sucks (55235) - you deserved it (4784)

On 06/17/2009 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by automaticfail_00 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at my job at an old folks home, and I was cleaning off a table when one old lady looks up at me and says "I've been a dirty dirty girl" in a seductive tone, I thought she meant about the table so I said "yes you have" then she winked at me, I walked away fast. FML


I agree, your life sucks (48167) - you deserved it (9223)

On 06/12/2009 at 3:53am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42454) - you deserved it (9993)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:09pm - animals - by chris (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Scarlatine's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Scarlatine's illustrated FML
  • Are your abs well-toned and look like you’re made of metal? Feel like a machine ready to take whatever the crossfit fad can throw at you? Do you scream, ”Bro, do you Even lift?" at people during…

Monday 5 October 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: