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lxeyboo

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lxeyboo

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  • Number of visits : 381
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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lxeyboo's favorite FMLs

Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for several moments stunned, still pooping. FML

#21308801
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32919) - you deserved it (4239)

On 11/30/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by pooplife - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, the creepy kid who sits behind me in English class decided that sniffing my hair wasn't disturbing enough for his liking, so he tried something new: popping one of the pimples on my neck. When I reacted in horror, all he could say was, "It looked pretty..." FML

#21134831
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47112) - you deserved it (4320)

On 05/09/2014 at 1:24pm - love - by WTTFFFF (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my little sister was in charge of doing the vacuuming, when she decided our hamster had "dust on his back". FML

#21134608
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42184) - you deserved it (3635) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/08/2014 at 4:48pm - animals - by gvmfvr - Sent from mobile version

Today, I retrieved the wrong luggage from an airport carousel. I'm now the owner of two water-bras, a false beard, a bag of cat litter, and some anal beads. I am afraid to get in touch with the original owner. FML

#21133607
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38814) - you deserved it (5731)

On 05/07/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by BaggedDown (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while working at Home Depot, a customer tried to engage me in a conversation about which gardening tool would "hypothetically" be the best to kill his wife with. FML

#21132614
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43616) - you deserved it (3536)

On 05/06/2014 at 6:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

#21132249
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52344) - you deserved it (19097)

On 05/06/2014 at 9:55am - intimacy - by chumman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML

#21131587
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50837) - you deserved it (17113)

On 05/05/2014 at 5:03pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, while at my brother's funeral, my girlfriend decided to tell me she's been sleeping with him. FML

#21126504
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54314) - you deserved it (3508)

On 04/29/2014 at 6:40pm - love - by loserman - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train tried to sneak a dead cat into my bag while I was sleeping. FML

#21121912
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42687) - you deserved it (3548)

On 04/24/2014 at 4:52pm - animals - by now have a cat - United States (Illinois)

Today, my Spanish teacher imitated the sound of a coffee grinder, and then said in Spanish, "OK, all of you do it." I did it, thinking everyone else would too. I was the only one in the class who'd understood the Spanish part. FML

#21121714
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41355) - you deserved it (4768)

On 04/24/2014 at 11:32am - work - by me - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I locked myself out of my dorm room. I walked across campus, shoe-less and in nothing but my bathrobe, to find someone who could let me back in. Turns out I hadn't even shut the door properly and so it never actually locked. I can still hear the guy laughing at me. FML

#21120721
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36068) - you deserved it (13187)

On 04/23/2014 at 10:54am - misc - by killmenow (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

#21117679
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51828) - you deserved it (4536)

On 04/20/2014 at 12:03am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, I walked in on my brother shaving his nuts, all while giggling like a maniac and seemingly high out of his mind. FML

#21117346
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41108) - you deserved it (5053)

On 04/19/2014 at 5:26pm - misc - by burnmyeyes (man) - United States (Virginia)



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