Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

lxeyboo

Offline (the 12/01/2015 at 12:47am) | Search for a member

lxeyboo

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 641
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

lxeyboo's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of lxeyboo's badges

lxeyboo's favorite FMLs

Today, my son had a secret party. At first I was mad, then I had a complete and total Incredible Hulk meltdown when I realized that he had opened a bottle of very expensive whiskey, originally bottled by my great great grandfather in Scotland, and used it as a mixer with fucking Pepsi. FML

#21469567
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35417) - you deserved it (2451)

On 09/17/2015 at 3:48pm - kids - by Angus (man) - France

Today, I slipped in my own vomit while dashing to the bathroom to puke. My knee hit and shattered the toilet; the toilet shattered my knee. FML

Today, my roommate remembered that we have an essay due Monday, so he wrote the full essay, while stoned, in less than an hour, without using his textbook. It was better than the one I spent all week writing. He is now upstairs having sex, and I've lost all motivation. FML

#21467953
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27085) - you deserved it (2687)

On 09/13/2015 at 11:34am - work - by anonymous (woman) - Luxembourg

Today, my wife handed over most of our son's college fund, in cash, to an investment scammer going by the name "Herp A. Derpson". FML

#21453336
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30190) - you deserved it (3498)

On 08/08/2015 at 12:02am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML

#21411735
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31179) - you deserved it (4920)

On 05/17/2015 at 10:54pm - intimacy - by fuckingdonuts - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for several moments stunned, still pooping. FML

#21308801
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35584) - you deserved it (4765)

On 11/30/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by pooplife - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

#21240900
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26265) - you deserved it (48231)

On 08/19/2014 at 9:37am - misc - by drunk under 18 teenager (man) - Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz)

Today, the creepy kid who sits behind me in English class decided that sniffing my hair wasn't disturbing enough for his liking, so he tried something new: popping one of the pimples on my neck. When I reacted in horror, all he could say was, "It looked pretty..." FML

#21134831
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49945) - you deserved it (4575)

On 05/09/2014 at 1:24pm - love - by WTTFFFF (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my little sister was in charge of doing the vacuuming, when she decided our hamster had "dust on his back". FML

#21134608
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44439) - you deserved it (3838) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/08/2014 at 4:48pm - animals - by gvmfvr - Sent from mobile version

Today, I retrieved the wrong luggage from an airport carousel. I'm now the owner of two water-bras, a false beard, a bag of cat litter, and some anal beads. I am afraid to get in touch with the original owner. FML

#21133607
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41219) - you deserved it (6037)

On 05/07/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by BaggedDown (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while working at Home Depot, a customer tried to engage me in a conversation about which gardening tool would "hypothetically" be the best to kill his wife with. FML

#21132614
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45679) - you deserved it (3708)

On 05/06/2014 at 6:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

#21132249
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56273) - you deserved it (20309)

On 05/06/2014 at 9:55am - intimacy - by chumman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML

#21131587
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52481) - you deserved it (17729)

On 05/05/2014 at 5:03pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, while at my brother's funeral, my girlfriend decided to tell me she's been sleeping with him. FML

#21126504
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58701) - you deserved it (3655)

On 04/29/2014 at 6:40pm - love - by loserman - United States (Texas)



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: