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loulumpkin's FML badges
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
I’m your new creative director
You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.
loulumpkin's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, I brought a fluorescent tube to the store to make sure I got the correct replacement. Trying to charm the sexy cashier, I waved the tube in the air, saying "I need a new light sabre, there is no force left in this one and the Empire is attacking." Turns out she'd never heard of Star Wars. FML
by hclagopus / 11/14/2012 at 6:39am / Norway / Geek
by Ugggggggggg / 11/06/2012 at 12:11am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that not only is my girlfriend enough of a superstitious twat to believe the world is going to end on December 21st, she actually thinks it's an acceptable excuse to go sleep around with other men. FML
by markderanjer / 11/03/2012 at 8:37pm / United Kingdom (Ealing) / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered "cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
by Anonymous / 11/03/2012 at 2:02pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy
by xXfloatingshitlogXx / 11/03/2012 at 12:04pm / Norway (Akershus) / Miscellaneous
Today, my hair straightener broke. My husband suggested putting electrical tape on it because it was heat proof. I did and started straightening my hair. The supposed heat proof tape melted and got stuck in my hair. FML
by Anonymous / 11/03/2012 at 9:50am / United States / Miscellaneous
by heartbroke / 11/03/2012 at 6:02am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/02/2012 at 9:23pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML
by for fuck sake dad / 11/02/2012 at 7:50pm / Ireland (Limerick) / Love
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML
by Anonymous / 11/02/2012 at 3:46pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Intimacy
by lilithfaye / 11/02/2012 at 12:35pm / United States / Love
by Midnightpearls / 11/02/2012 at 11:39am / United States / Health
Today, I woke up and found a little note where my husband should have been. It said, "We've had some good times, hun, but it's time for me to move on." We've been married for 15 years, and have 3 children. FML
by AbandonedHouseWife / 10/17/2012 at 4:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, while mowing the lawn, I was attacked by an underground hornet nest. I now have many stings, two scared dogs, and a mower still running outside. The hornets are swarming it and some are sitting on the lever, as if to turn it off. It's like they know. FML
by Anonymous / 10/17/2012 at 4:08pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…