lotusenta

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lotusenta

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Monday 16 July 1984 (32 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 296
  • Number of comments : 51
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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lotusenta's page activity

Visits<b>AnnaMuffin</b> - the 06/11/2016 at 1:35pm<b>Hammie126</b> - the 11/27/2015 at 10:39pm<b>gigabyte898</b> - the 11/20/2013 at 11:08pm<b>vegasked</b> - the 09/13/2013 at 11:14pm<b>A_Random_chick</b> - the 09/02/2013 at 12:04pm<b>Spider_Web</b> - the 08/31/2013 at 8:42am<b>Jak_Griffin</b> - the 08/31/2013 at 2:15am<b>vi3tboi0990</b> - the 08/31/2013 at 12:36am<b>MzZombicidal</b> - the 08/29/2013 at 1:56pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 08/29/2013 at 10:17am<b>Dario486</b> - the 08/27/2013 at 12:25am<b>ssm04</b> - the 08/26/2013 at 1:31am<b>iixZomBie</b> - the 08/25/2013 at 7:19am

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lotusenta's favorite FMLs

Today, the mother of one of my students bitched me out about her son's poor grades. He lazes around all day, paying no attention and being a constant nuisance. But, she says it's not his fault, and demands that I give him better grades so he won't get "self-esteem" issues. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2013 at 4:36pm / Work

Today, I found out that if I say "make a sandwich", it doesn't matter what context it's in, or whether it's a command or just me describing my day; I'll be yelled at anyway by my hipster roommate for being a "sexist cunt", then end up apologizing just to get her to shut up. FML

by Anonymous / 09/05/2013 at 3:11pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

by fartz / 08/31/2013 at 2:04am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my grandma is a well-loved member of a notorious biker gang. Meanwhile, I'm a 32-year-old, single, minimum-wage nobody with no friends to speak of. She's probably getting more action than I ever will. FML

by no life to fuck :/ / 08/30/2013 at 7:37pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working as a swim instructor, I started singing the hokey pokey to get all the kids used to putting their faces in the water. One of the kids was covering his ears. When I asked him why, he said "because you were singing." He's 3. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2013 at 12:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I was in a training about the newest changes in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression techniques and said she prefers "good, fast, hard pumping." I was the only one who snickered out loud, drawing several annoyed looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year-old doctor. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2013 at 11:15pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I realised that I can tell my 6 cats apart by the sound of their paws on the carpet. I think I need friends. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2013 at 8:13pm / South Africa / Transportation

Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML

by speechless / 07/13/2013 at 10:32am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was working the drive-thru, a couple came through. As I was handing back their change they began giggling. I looked down to see the man's sex-nose fully erect. FML

by theunluckylifeofme / 06/26/2013 at 4:33pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I complimented my mom with "Hey, I think you lost some weight." She replied with "Yeah, I think you found it." FML

by Kristina / 02/18/2009 at 4:09pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I was instructed by my boss to welcome the 2 new foreign business partners since I am the only one who could speak their language. When they arrived I greeted them in their language. One of them scratched his head and asked his companion in plain and clear English, "What did he say?" FML

by Salaryman / 02/15/2009 at 1:21am / Philippines (Rizal) / Work

Today, I wore the belt that my stepfather has spent 2 months needle pointing, as a finishing touch he added my initials: 'fml'. FML

by MLS / 02/14/2009 at 6:19pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend was tapping on my thigh to the beat of the music when we were driving to dinner. When I asked him what he was doing he replied, "Just watching the ripples." FML

by thunder thighs / 02/10/2009 at 10:11pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I changed the C on my report card into a B so that I wouldn't get in trouble with my parents. I spent the entire day perfecting the B's positioning and cut exactly around the edges of the size 10 font and sliced my finger in the process. Turns out, I'm still grounded for getting a B. FML

by olivia_stealth / 02/08/2009 at 6:50pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got a few notes from this girl I like at school for 2 years telling me she feels the same way. My dad knocks on the door and I panic and say "Hold on!". I shoved them under my pillow then told him to come in. He said "Son, it's perfectly normal to masturbate." FML

by Misunderstood / 02/08/2009 at 12:35am / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Love