About lostangel5 : Hey! I'm Allie, feel free to message me :P I don't get on here 24/7 so don't be upset if I reply a bit late. ^-^ anything you wanna know just ask I'm an open book! im very happily taken ^-^
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lostangel5's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend told me the reason why my credit card mysteriously maxed out 2 months ago 'might have been' because she posted a picture of it on Facebook. I ordered a new credit card without the custom picture of us immediately. She broke up with me. FML
by FacebookStrikesAgain / 01/21/2014 at 6:59pm / Puerto Rico / Love
Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML
by MM / 01/21/2014 at 6:26pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML
by anon / 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by mistletoe / 12/08/2013 at 9:21pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML
by Anonymous / 09/06/2013 at 6:56pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by single again / 09/05/2013 at 8:29pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, my daughter and I were driving home when our truck broke down. A police officer stopped and offered to let me and my two year old sit in his car for the A/C. When we got in, I sat her on my lap, and she pulled down my tank top and screamed "Boobies!" right in front of the officer. FML
by embarrassedmom / 08/31/2013 at 7:48pm / United States / Kids
by Pontiacman92 / 08/29/2013 at 3:07am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids, when a girl in line next to us slipped a hand down her boyfriend's pants and started groping him. I politely asked her to stop, to which she snorted, "Why? Your kids've gotta learn the birds and bees somehow." FML
by pda / 08/24/2013 at 10:46pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML
by thanks mom ¬_¬ / 08/24/2013 at 6:05pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, like every day for the past 6 months, I got a call from the same telemarketers. I've been ignoring the calls, so now they've started leaving me voicemails. I can't get rid of the annoying voicemail icon on my phone without making a call, so I have to pay to listen to their offers. FML
by Sinkhole / 08/24/2013 at 11:27am / Guatemala (Guatemala) / Money
by seriously? / 08/23/2013 at 3:40am / Miscellaneous
by baconbxtch / 08/21/2013 at 10:45pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, as I was walking downstairs to get breakfast, I saw my parents had decided to have a quickie on the couch. I had to awkwardly stand out of sight on the stairs, too scared to go down, or even back up, because our stairs creak. FML
by Stinkipinkki / 08/21/2013 at 12:27pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I had a group presentation. I kept zipping my jacket up and down nervously. As I waited for my turn, I realized a bunch of classmates staring at me. I forgot that in the morning rush, I only put on a jacket. I only had a bra on underneath. FML
by xxSecretAngelxx / 08/19/2013 at 2:35pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…