Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

lolfood

Offline (53 minutes ago) | Search for a member

lolfood

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3670
  • Number of comments : 416
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 58 posted

About lolfood : Welcome to my profile.




















































...





























































.































































...





























































.






























































...





























































.




























































...





























































.































... Why are you still here?

lolfood's page activity

Visits<b>ThatDamHuntress</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 12:29am<b>Amiiii</b> - the 02/14/2015 at 7:41am<b>HyunnK</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 5:57pm<b>3051628</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 9:35am<b>Demonface54</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 8:46am<b>Dwarfed</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 8:33am<b>Cheshier</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 6:24am<b>mutiplyyou</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 6:21am<b>Genius_Kitty</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 2:40am<b>orbit</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 2:40am<b>skiddymarker</b> - the 12/18/2014 at 11:24am<b>Duckzy</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 10:43pm<b>trevieh690</b> - the 12/06/2014 at 9:16am<b>paigexox0</b> - the 11/14/2014 at 5:11am<b>EP1CD4RKN3SS</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 12:47pm<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 5:00pm<b>MarshalR</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 11:09am<b>BirdieCurls</b> - the 09/18/2014 at 6:42pm

Liked!<b>HyunnK</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 11:57pm

lolfood's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of lolfood's badges

lolfood's favorite FMLs

Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML

#125156
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57832) - you deserved it (6929)

On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by iliketurtles (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to brush up on my flirting skills and ask a guy I thought was kind of cute what time it was. He pointed to the very visible watch on my wrist and said "You should know already". FML

#120192
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7221) - you deserved it (50058)

On 02/24/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by Timeless (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML

#112335
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (144968) - you deserved it (11865)

On 02/23/2009 at 7:51am - kids - by lifesucks4me - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I got an email from my professor with my grade for a paper. It said, "Solid writing, but you should have proofread your final draft more carefully." In a moment of annoyance, I typed in the reply box, "God should have proofread your FACE more carefully." My elbow hit the send button. FML

#97434
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15023) - you deserved it (62355)

On 02/21/2009 at 4:43pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Texas)

Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML

#93640
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28751) - you deserved it (48567)

On 02/21/2009 at 12:36am - intimacy - by acincollege (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
509 comments

I agree, your life sucks (240388) - you deserved it (82278)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
509 comments

I agree, your life sucks (240388) - you deserved it (82278)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML

#47954
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27870) - you deserved it (45051)

On 02/15/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML

#45949
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40672) - you deserved it (5689)

On 02/15/2009 at 6:35am - misc - by cjk004 - United States (California)

Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML

#35996
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41028) - you deserved it (6174)

On 02/13/2009 at 7:42am - animals - by abi_vet_student (woman) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)

Today, I looked at the facebook of the girl I really liked, and I saw she wrote on her friend's wall "Last night was the biggest mistake of my life." We hooked up last night. FML

#15703
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47416) - you deserved it (4198)

On 02/08/2009 at 7:37pm - misc - by YeahWhatOkay (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while my 4 year old nephew was hugging me, he stepped back and declared, "Auntie, my Pee-do is hard, but it will go away." FML

#11033
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32500) - you deserved it (2903)

On 02/05/2009 at 8:30pm - misc - by Fag_Hag (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

#7370
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20099) - you deserved it (34167)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:23am - animals - by Noname - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

#7370
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20099) - you deserved it (34167)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:23am - animals - by Noname - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

#7370
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20099) - you deserved it (34167)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:23am - animals - by Noname - Canada (Alberta)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML
  • Madonna must be the only person breathing a sigh of relief right now thanks to all the idiots arguing about the colour of a dress. Thanks to a badly-lit photograph, everyone seems to have forgotten that she super…

Friday 27 February 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: