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littlepirate

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littlepirate
  • Town/Country : Breda, The Netherlands
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7429
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About littlepirate : My life sucks, but I don't give a fuck.

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littlepirate's favorite FMLs

Today, after working for my company for 10 years, my co-workers threw me a farewell party. The boss gave quite an eloquent speech, ending in "we're really gonna miss you Mark." My name is Evan. FML

#163929
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60603) - you deserved it (2678)

On 02/28/2009 at 7:50pm - work - by Grrrrr (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML

#160435
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24252) - you deserved it (88204)

On 02/28/2009 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by textfail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML

#128340
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90167) - you deserved it (6225)

On 02/24/2009 at 10:21pm - animals - by sammatthews2007 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML

#125499
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78103) - you deserved it (19393)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:32pm - intimacy - by Menareidiots (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after class I was chatting with my teacher, a really cool and stylish old black guy. I tell him he reminds me of one of those soul dudes from those 70s movies, right down to the pimp-walk. He tells me he walks that way because he was beaten for drinking out of the wrong fountain as a kid. FML

#115273
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17175) - you deserved it (38261)

On 02/23/2009 at 5:11pm - misc - by catfish - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

#99885
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60189) - you deserved it (6164)

On 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm - intimacy - by Nails (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML

#79669
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46521) - you deserved it (4560)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by dpl (man) - United States (New York)

Today, in school my shoulder was killing me from a softball injury. I went to the nurse's office and asked "Can I have some ice?" They responded with "Why, what happened to your face?" FML

#75712
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41329) - you deserved it (2361)

On 02/19/2009 at 2:09am - misc - by Offended (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, the 9th grade dean called me into his office to talk. He asked me if I was new because it seemed like I was having trouble making friends. I've been going to the same school, with the same people, since kindergarten. FML

#61583
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39561) - you deserved it (2741)

On 02/17/2009 at 4:53pm - misc - by lene (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML

#60108
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62259) - you deserved it (4821)

On 02/17/2009 at 10:27am - misc - by stillsingleladies (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
496 comments

I agree, your life sucks (213907) - you deserved it (73290)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back. I got a boner and when I looked to see who the hot chick was, I saw my fat friend rubbing his man boobs against my back. FML

#30754
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24325) - you deserved it (48731)

On 02/12/2009 at 11:17am - intimacy - by florisvanlent (man) - Netherlands (Drenthe)

Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML

#12567
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (266342) - you deserved it (49524)

On 02/06/2009 at 10:55pm - misc - by hahahehehohohoo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML

#2729
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42667) - you deserved it (2041)

On 01/26/2009 at 7:02pm - health - by Noname - Japan (Fukuoka)



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